Anarchic Theater
by cruelbarcode
Summary: With the last episode sabatoged by the work of an inquisitive fan,Hugh accepts the request from the writers to try and think of new plots and stories for the Neutron gang to partake in so that they may get back into the groove of TV writing. Unfinished.
1. A Purposely Inauspicious Start!

(CUE Iris Out Atom) 

(CUT To EXT Shot - The Neutron living room. Hugh is reading a magazine, titled Ducks Unlimited Weekly, on the couch. After a few seconds he looks up to acknowledge the audience's presence.)

Hugh Neutron: Oh! Hi there! (He puts down his magazine.) No, you weren't interrupting me at all.I'm glad you could join me. Your insight will be appreciated after all the neat tales I'm about to entertain you with.

(Hugh then takes out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.)

Hugh Neutron: My son the Jimster sure does get into all sorts of adventures, y'see. You may not not know it, but he and his band of eclectic friends have been through even more twists and spins of crazy adventures than any of you could imagine.

(Hugh removes a cigarette and begins to light it.)

Hugh Neutron: Lucky you! Because I'm going to tell as much of them as I can to your gracious ears!

(Hugh takes a puff from the cigarette. He suddenly explodes into wild bouts of coughing. His attempt at appearing aloof totally ruined. He barks out more smoke as he heaves for fresh air.)

Hugh Neutron (disgusted): Mighty mallards! That was awful! How can anyone like doing that?

(The cigarette falls on his lap. A soft sizzle is heard as he is burned.)

Hugh Neutron: GAH!

(He flicks it off of his lap with his finger. It lands on the carpet, the embers burning the carpet. Judy Neutron enters just in time to witness the craziness.)

Judy Neutron (in angry shock): Hugh! What in the world are you doing?

Hugh Neutron (tyring to hide the cigarette with a well placed foot): Oh, hi pudding pants! (Judy glares at his attempt at "stealth".) Just about to tell our guests of some of our son's untold daredevil escapades.

Judy Neutron: I don't see how the cigarettes are necessary for the introduction. It's not very good behavior to show to children. Also, it'll be your check book that will pay for the new carpeting we'll obviously need.

Hugh Neutron: Well, I was trying to go for the casually cool story teller look but it didn't turn out too good.

Judy Neutron: I can see that. (She pauses.) Um, so, why are you doing this exactly? How would you have any knowledge of Jimmy's unknown adventures in the first place, may I ask?

Hugh Neutron (a bit embarassed): Ah.. they were untold for a reason. Mainly because I'm just going to be making them up.

Judy Neutron: And this benefits..because...?

Hugh Neutron: Here's how it is sugar booger, the writers are kind of licking their wounds after that last storyline; the poorly made plot with all the time travel and awful attempt at originality. It seems a fan broke into the studio and switched the current storyboards and transcript with its own creation. I kept telling John and Keith to higher more skilled security guards. I bet money they're wishing they took my advice sooner.

Judy Neutron (in sympathetic surprise): Oh! I bet that was such a scare. Those fans can be so bizarre indeed. I have seen some of their atrocious attempts at fiction first hand. No wonder we have been suffering such poor ratings lately.

Hugh Neutron: Yes, so, the writers are in a funk over that disaster. They asked me to throw about some ideas to get them motivated; I got a bunch of things all figured out already!

Judy Neutron (sounding a bit worried): Oh, really? Uh, what do you have so far?

Hugh Neutron: Picture this honeybee, Jimmy and his friends go off into the boreal rainforests of Canada to view the amazing behavior of a new breed of duck just recently found.

Judy Neutron: Ah.. Hugh, I don't think..

Hugh Neutron (still into it): But then they are pursued by this angry Mountie who thinks their real intent is to spread American culture further into the calm, untouched land of the magical Canada.

(CUT To EXT Shot - A large boreal rainforest. Birds chirp and dragonflies hover happily in the beauty. Jimmy, Carl and Sheen are running off in frantic speed. We notice a blue and yellow duck in Jimmy's hands, it quacks happily, oblivious to what is going on. Thunderous galloping is heard as we see a menacing Canadian Mountie on a huge black steed chasing the boys with tenacious pursuit.)

Mountie (tauntingly): Go on! Keep running you American pig-dogs!

Sheen (out of breath): Jimmy! Just give him back the stupid duck!

Jimmy: I can't! My dad would disown me should I not bring it to him in an act of raw devotion.

Judy Neutron (voice over): Hugh! What kind of thing is that to say?

Hugh Neutron (voice over): Now, now dear. People say strange things while they are being pursued by a wild and vicious Canadian.

(The Mountie's horse leaps over the boys and skids to a stop. Stopping them from running any further. A cold sneer on the Mountie's face. His horse gives a menacing snort.)

Mountie (he grins darkly): Nowhere to go now, Yankee scum.

Judy Neutron (voice over): I don't think that story would really entertain anyone.

(CUT back to the Neutron living room. Hugh looks at his wife with a disappointing stare.)

Hugh Neutron: It wouldn't?

Judy Neutron: No.

Hugh Neutron (entreatingly): But I even had this really cool escape scene planned out. In thanks, a big flock of ducks fly Jimbo back to Retroville unharmed, while Carl and Sheen battle the Mountie in a nail biting showdown of a Star Wars spelling bee.

(CUT To the Boreal Forest. A thick darkness in the sky appears as scores of ducks fly south, loud quacking and the flapping of wings are heard. The camera PANS down to show the Mountie frowning as he reads a book. He looks to Sheen, a confident grin on his face, before giving an acknowledging nod.)

Mountie: Correct. That is indeed the way you spell Ralltiir.

(The Mountie tosses the book for Sheen to catch. The Mountie turns to Carl, who is happily feeding the Mountie's horse a handfull of tall grasses.)

Mountie (coldly): Cease feeding Estevan now, eh?

Sheen: Okay Mountie guy, spell Vergesso. As in the Vergesso asteroids.

Mountie: Ah, V-E-R-R-G-E-S-S-O. Vergesso.

Carl (cheerfully): Wrong!

Mountie (in loud defiance): I most certainly am not!

Sheen: You are dude, there's only one R in Vergesso.

Mountie: It...it can't be.

Sheen (happily): Yup, we win. So now you gotta give us a ride back home. That is, after we sample your country's free health care system and talk with cute French-Canadian girls.

Mounite (mad): You ignorant brat! This is British Columbia! There aren't any French speaking Canadians for another four thousand kilometers!

Judy Neutron (voice over): I think we just lost a thousand more viewers.

(CUT To the Neutron living room. Hugh adjusts his glasses in a ponderous matter.)

Hugh Neutron: But its got ducks in it! Everyone loves ducks! Okay, maybe there should have been some black and white shots of pie in those scenes as well, but nothing says I can't rewrite it.

Judy Neutron (she sighs tiredly): Oh Hugh..

Hugh Neutron: Or hey! How about we bring back that future girl from the last story line?

Judy Neutron (annoyed): What? Why would you want to do that? Wouldn't that make the situation with the ratings worse?

(CUT To EXT Shot - The Weezer's front yard. Mrs. Weezer is raking up some cut grass leftover from a past mowing, adding the last amount to an orderly looking pile. Future girl Tabessa from the last story line from yours truly (I.E Me the unoriginal author!) leaps down, landing stealthily, while ruining the tidy pile of grass. Mrs. Weezer gives a "Gah!" of surprise.)

Tabessa (she views her mockingly): So! You past-lings thought you've seen the last of me, eh?

(Tabessa kicks at the grassy pile rudely as Mrs. Weezer stares in mystified shock.)

Tabessa: Well, you can think again! 'Cause I'm back!

(Tabessa spreads her arms out and laughs with loud arrogance. Mrs. Weezer blinks in confusion. Mr. Weezer opens the front door to see what the ruckus is all about. He watches this with complete disinterest. His wife turns to him in baffled confusion.)

Mrs. Weezer (?): Dear, a loud and poorly constructed fan made character seems to have just appeared from nowhere.

Mr. Weezer (sounding bored): What? Oh, just get rid of her. Just do what you did when we found those raccoons in the attic.

(Mr. Weezer re-enters the house. Mrs. Weezer raises the rake and approaches the future girl in a defensive manner. Tabessa is oblivious to the possible danger.)

Tabessa: Thanks to a wayward plot hole I found, I have returned to exact revenge on all who have treated me so-

(Mrs. Weezer swings the rake hitting Tabessa hard in the back.)

Tabessa (angered pain): OW! Gee-hee-eez!

Mrs. Weezer: Get! Shoo!

(Mrs. Weezer strikes at her again with the rake.)

Tabessa: GUH! What was that for?

(Mrs. Weezer hits her again, this time upside the head.)

Tabessa (agony!): AH-HA-OW!

Mrs. Weezer: Go on! Get! Take your unoriginal personality and never come back!

(Tabessa shields herself from another onslaught. She begins to inch away from her attacker.)

Tabessa (in low fury): You'll be sorry you ever-

(Another smack from the rake.)

Mrs. Weezer: Shoo future girl! Shoo!

(She strikes her again. Tabessa shrinks away as she tries to escape from this disgraceful predicament.)

Tabessa (pathetic!): AH! My humiliation knows no bounds.

Judy Neutron (voice over & sounding cross): We just lost another twenty thousand viewers!

(CUT back to the Neutron living room. Hugh smiles sheepishly at Judy.)

Hugh Neutron: Oh. Heh..that bad, huh?

Judy Neutron: Yes.

Hugh Neutron (he waves a hand airily): Bah, future girls are stupid anyway. Maybe I can incorporate my own new character, a hip duck-man who works at a bakery, builds a mean pie and possesses a magic snowboard to fight evil and execute anti-gravity like moves.

(CUT To EXT Shot - An anthropomorphic duck-man in blue snowboarder gear is walking down a road. He weilds a large white snowboard with I LIKE PIE stenciled on it. The irony is that it is actually a warm summer day! He gives a thumbs up as he looks toward the camera.)

Duck/Man Hybrid: Dude! Retroville has the most awesome skiing hill! I'm about to go hardcore and thrash some snow! Cowabunga! Tubulur! Gnarly!

Judy Neutron (voice over & sounding annoyed): Hugh, people don't even say those words.

Hugh Neutron (voice over): That's because he's special!

Duck/Man Hybrid: Radical! I'm the snowboard king; it's time to get extreme!

(The Duck/Man Hybrid is then nearly hit by someone on a bicycle, we recognize him as Sam, owner of the Candy Bar, clad in a bikesuit get-up and a helmet.)

Sam: Hey! Out of my way freakshow! This is a bike lane, not a ski slope, ya' idiot! Yeah!

(Sam cycles away. Leaving the Duck-thing staring off in confusion.)

Duck/Man Hybrid (clueless): Dude! Are you serious?

(A whistling sound is heard as a can of soda beans the Duck/Man Hybrid hard in the head with a loud and painful sounding "Thok!". He collapses onto the road, unmoving.)

Duck/Man Hybrid (disoriented): Du-ude! That light looks pretty, man.

(CUT To Inside A Car - Sheen is in the front seat with his dad. He rolls up his window, looking jaded. His father grips the steering wheel harder as he eyes his son with uneasiness.)

Sheen: What a disappoinment! The snowboarders always caught the Mountain Flurp in those commercials. He obviously wasn't extreme enough.

Mr. Estevez (disturbed): Right. Just be sure not to do that again, okay?

Judy Neutron (voice over): I'm sorry dear, that wouldn't work either.

(CUT To the Neutron living room. Hugh stands up from the couch and gives Judy a pleading look.)

Hugh Neutron: Hey! I wasn't finished yet. He was gonna be making a bunch of pies after he was resuscitated by a passing defibrillator salesman.

Judy Neutron: Ducks and pie won't get you anywhere if you want to be a writer for television, dear. That goes the same for hideously constructed fanmade characters too. Be it future girls or anthopomorphic duckmen.

Hugh Neutron: Not to worry lottery muffin, I have plenty of other ideas. Some even have a moral or two in it as well, so all of it won't be just random banter.

Judy Neutron (she rubs her head in a tired fashion): Why do I have this sudden premonition that is all this story is going to be about.

Hugh Neutron (a determined look on his face): Darn foreshadowing! I'll fix that! (He points to the camera.) Cue that spinning atom thingy, guys!

(CUE Rotating Atom.)


	2. A Lesson In CounterRevolution

(CUT To EXT Shot - Outside Lindbergh School. Carl and Sheen seem to be looking at something with idealistic wonder. Carl is holding a pink balloon that says "Congratulations!", along with a brown stuffed llama. Sheen clasps his hands in starry-eyed fashion.) 

Carl: Wow. You and Libby must be so proud. She's beautiful, she really is.

Sheen: I don't know what to say, (His eyes begin to mist) I'm just so happy.

(Carl pantomimes the llama toy as if it were galloping.)

Carl: Baa! Baa!

Sheen (joyfully): Look! Did you see that? She smiled!

(The camera ZOOMS out to show what the two are looking at: One of those Dance Simulator Arcade Games, with the blinking lights on the floor, perched on a large dolly. The machine blinks with pink and yellow neon bursts; the screen requesting INSERT COIN.)

Judy Neutron (voice over): Hugh.. What in the world..?

Hugh Neutron (voice over & cheery): Hush. You'll see!

Carl: You're both gonna smoke everyone for today's show-and-tell.

Sheen: Yeah! (He turns to Carl in manic glee.) You wanna be the godfather?

Carl (the balloon he is holding floats away as he points to the machine): That means when you die. I get to keep it, right?

Sheen: Yeah, that sounds pretty much right.

Carl (wistfully): Libby too?

Sheen: Hmm, I don't know if that would be allowable, I can look it- (He realizes what Carl said.) HEY! (He gives him a threatening shove.) What did you say?

Carl (quickly): Nothing!

Sheen (he shoves him again): Don't you lie to me! I heard what you said!

Carl (challenging): Well why did you ask? (He returns a shove.)

Sheen: 'Cause I knew you wouldn't have the guts to repeat it! (Shove!)

(Jimmy and Cindy walk into view before Carl and Sheen's shoving match turns into something more violent.)

Cindy (in loud anger): You know, its a good thing for you guys that I didn't come earlier, 'cause I have a feeling that if I was here during your past conversation, you would both end up being on dialysis for the rest of your dorky lives.

(Carl gives a final shove to Sheen before they both turn to face them.)

Carl: What's up with you? You sound more bitter and loud than you normally do.

Sheen: Heh, that's because she and Jimmy lost to me and Libby's totally awesome dancing skills. That's how we got the Dance game in the first place, because we are the king and queen of rythm (He straightens up as he poses an authoritive posture.) Retroville will be our fodder for when we decide to build our castle of music and love of action figures.

Jimmy (objective): Oh yeah, well, we could have beaten you if it wasn't for that crowd of weird tourists taking pictures of us during the final round. Their very presence made my flesh crawl.

Cindy (in disgusted agreement): God, I know! It's like their perverted eyes were peering into my pre-adolescent soul.

Jimmy: Yeah, I ended up having three showers, a disinfecting biohazard wash, and I burned the clothes I wore as well. Then I invented a machine that burns things that have already been burned and then burned the machine that contained said re-burned material.

Sheen (he giggles): Overkill is funny.

Cindy (she frowns at Sheen): I bet your victory was tainted by the guilt of cheating. You probably stole Jimmy's Ultra Shock Dance Teacher.

Sheen (countering): No way! Libby and I practiced the true way of dance nearly everyday after school. I was clearly born to be a great dancer.

Carl: Oh? Improved that much have you?

Sheen (he grins with manic delight): Imagine if Gene Kelly and MC Hammer had a baby. I am that said baby.

Libby (off camera): That is probably the most horrible concept ever imagined.

(The group turns to see Libby, looking quite downcast, approaching their comforting presense.)

Cindy: Hey Libs!

Sheen (sounding worried): Hey, how come you didn't laugh at my Gene Kelly and MC Hammer joke? It was brilliant.

Libby: I'm not much into a laughing mood, Sheen.

Jimmy: What's wrong?

Libby (taken aback): You guys haven't heard? Willoughby is removing all the music classes from Lindbergh's entire school program.

Cindy: What? Why would he do that? Didn't he just succeed in picketing for more revenue to add more content to the school?

Libby: Yeah, but he claims he didn't get enough cash because of cutbacks from when the board of education bought all those pinball tables and back issues of Rolling Stone for the new lounge.

Carl: That's so stupid!

Libby: Yeah, why punish the students for the board's poor choices in handling school finances?

Carl: No, I mean, why back issues of Rolling Stone? Only old people and mollusks read Rolling Stone.

Sheen: Well, alot of those teachers are really old. I mean, look at Ms. Fowl.

(Ms. Fowl pokes her head out of a nearby window.)

Ms. Fowl: Hey, I heard that! I may be old, but don't you dare accuse me of reading that steaming pile of monthly garbage written by losers who probably never picked up a guitar, let alone, touched a piano!

(She returns into the school, shutting the window in angry volume. Cindy looks to Sheen.)

Cindy: I bet she's adding that to her lengthening list of why she hates you.

Libby (in desperate intensity): Come on you guys! This is serious. Without music classes, the kids with rhythm and beat in their souls will be manipulated by awful capitalists so they may corrupt their dreams and talent with breast implants and bad digital pitch correction.

Cindy (hesitant): Uh.. Libby. That's already happened; Ashlee Simpson is real.

Jimmy: Yeah, I wish I could tell you that it's some cruel nightmare, but it isn't. You have Corporate America to thank for opening that Pandora's Box.

Libby (She cups her hands over her mouth in complete dread): Oh my God...

Carl (in teasing torment): And she's got a sister too! I'd be scared.

(Libby's legs begin to shake as if she may collapse. She covers her ears at Carl's remark.)

Libby (frightened): Stop it!

(Sheen rushes to catch her, giving her a comforting hug. Libby returns it.)

Sheen (reassuring): It's okay buttercup, let it all out. Your man's here to protect you from those awful locusts they call talent.

(Libby quickly gets control of herself. She steps away from Sheen; complete determination on her face.)

Libby: No! There is no time for crying! I must do something to prevent further acts of evil against the goodness that is true music.

Sheen (yelling with joy): To the hovercar!

Libby: Ah, I was thinking more in the lines of confronting Willoughby with a passionate speech filled with cold hard facts and jokes targeted at top 40 music. I don't think the hovercar is neccessary.

Sheen (disappointed): Oh.

Jimmy (he scoffs as he looks at Sheen): Like, I'd let you drive my hovercar in the first place.

Judy Neutron (voice over): Oh! Now this is actually getting interesting.

Hugh Neutron (voice over): Yeah, I'm pleased with the results too!

(CUT To EXT Shot - After school in the teacher's parking lot. Principal Willoughby is about to enter his car when Libby approaches him with focused speed.)

Libby: Principal Willoughby!

Principal Willoughby: Oh, afternoon Miss. Folfax.

Libby: I want to discuss your heinous decision on removing the music classes from our school.

Principal Willoughby: Now, now. I'm not completely removing all the music related education. There's still some content that's staying.

Libby: But what you have kept is so impersonal! How can kids learn the true heart of music when the work they hand in is never reviewed?

Princiapl Willoughby (taken aback): That's absurd! What are you talking about?

Libby: We only do multiple choice tests, no one volunteers to be available after class for song workshops and the only advice that's given is to listen to the Top 40 garbage that's currently on the radio. (She crosses her arms defiantly.) What's next? Replacing teaching assistants with convicted criminals?

Principal Willoughby (defensively): For your information, I have already delegated convicted criminals to be available for the next semester. There shouldn't really be a problem.

(Libby stares in mortified shock at Willoughby's casual statement. He opens his car door.)

Principal Willoughby: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get home so I can set up my VCR so I can tape tonight's episode of Lost. (He giggles.) Man, that Matthew Fox is too cool.

Judy Neutron (voice over): Pfft, Lost? (She snickers.)

Hugh Neutron (voice over): Yeah, thought I'd add some comedy there.

(Willoughby drives off. Leaving Libby alone in the parking lot. Her face contorts into a determined look of resolution.)

Libby: You want a fight, Willoughby? I'll give you a fight.

(CUT To EXT Shot - Outside Lindbergh School. Libby has set up a large collapsable table, a big sign next to it with SIGN THE REMOVE WILLOUGHBY PETITION. GIVE US A NEW PRINCIPAL. next to it. A pile of pamphlets explaining her goal is out in the open for people to take. Betty Quinlan scribbles her name on the petition, which is already flooded with many signatures.)

Libby: Thanks Betty.

(Betty nods and exits. Brittany, a minor character, shows up and gives a haughty sniff at Libby's setup.)

Brittany: I don't see what the big deal is, like we need more school work to do anyway.

Libby: Call it divine atonement. Music classes help people realize what music bests suits them, thus preventing a mass explosion of sheep that only listen to mainstream monotony.

Brittany: There's already something like that, it's called Billboard Magazine.

Libby (disgusted): Ick, I don't read Billboard Magazine.

Brittany (she smirks arrogantly): Feh, then how do you know what music you're supposed to be be liking then?

Libby (revolted): God, you can't be serious..

(Jimmy enters the scene, reading one of Libby's pamphlets.)

Brittany: Oh yeah? (She turns to Jimmy.) Hey Jimmy, what magazine do you read so you'll know what kind of music you are supposed to be enjoying?

Jimmy (in cheery sarcasm): I make multiple sacrifices to Nug and Yeb, the twin blasphemies of Nyogtha, they have superior tastes you yourself cannot imagine.

(Libby grins at Jimmy's acid stab of an answer. He jots his name onto Libby's petition as Brittany blinks with mystified surprise.)

Libby: Thank you "Mr Lovecraft."

Jimmy: Heh, best of luck Libby.

(Jimmy proceeds to inside the school. Brittany watches him curiously.)

Brittany: Wow, those sound like great reviewers. Does that come out weekly or monthly?

Libby (eyes closed & mantra-like): I'm a delicate flower, I don't hit other girls. I'm a delicate flower, I don't hit other girls.

(Brittany heads inside the school to follow Jimmy.)

Brittany: Hey Jimmy! Didn't you hear my question?

(Brittany exits as she pursues Jimmy. Libby sighs as she opens her eyes and tidies up her growing petition. She already has a dozen pages full of students names. Sheen appears, his eyes dart from the sign to her in curious glee.)

Sheen (in restrained excitement): You're trying to get Willoughby fired? (His voice turns into a yell as he releases his manic joy.) THAT'S HOT!

(Libby narrows her eyes in a tired frown at Sheen's outburst. He quickly turns away from her, in an act of nonchalance. He raises his hand to look at his nails in an arrogant manner.)

Sheen: I mean, I'm flattered. (He polishes his nails on his shirt in a pompous manner.) It's so obvious that you are trying to impress me.

Libby (semi-insulted): What? I'm not doing this to impress anybody! I ain't that petty!

(She taps her collected signatures on the desk to straighten them out neatly before stapling them together. Sheen turns toward her, his manners more relaxed.)

Sheen: Then..why are you doing this?

(Libby sets down the stapler and looks at her mass pages of signatures.)

Libby (in calm honesty): Pride. Sheer, dirty pride.

Judy Neutron (voice over): Oh my..

Hugh Neutron (voice over): There's more!

(CUT To INT Shot - Willoughby's Office. He sits behind his big important looking desk as he speaks to "someone" we cannot see.)

Principal Willoughby: I'm sorry Miss. Folfax, but I have decided not to approve your petition to fire me.

(The camera quickly ZOOMS out to a WIDE shot to show both Libby and Willoughby in the scene.)

Libby (in complete shock): What? You mean, you're a principal, and you decide academic petitions?

Principal Willoughby (happy!): That's right!

Libby: Isn't that a conflict of interests?

Principal Willoughby (he shrugs): Probably. (His voice becomes cheerful.) Why don't you file a petition?

(Willoughby gets up from his seat, leaving Libby to mull over her defeat. She turns toward the direction he left in, a fist clenched in perservering defiance.)

Libby: I don't remember hearing 'bout any of this in the tour!

(Willoughby opens his door to see a number of four year olds and their parents waiting outside.)

Willoughby: Alright future students! Are you ready for the grand ol' tour of Lindbergh school?

Four Year Olds: Yeah!

(Willoughby exits, the kids and parents happily marching behind him. Libby watches this with revolted contempt.)

Libby: I didn't want any of this to get dirty, but he's pushed this too far. He'll be sorry he crossed paths with this girl.

(CUT To The Next Day - INT Shot - Ms. Fowl's Classroom. Education as always.)

Ms. Fowl (concluding): And that's why all the dinosaurs were communists.

(The class sits in confused silence. Carl then raises his hand.)

Carl: What about the stegosaurus?

Ms. Fowl (incensed): Especially the stegosaurus!

(The class's door opens, Willoughby enters.)

Principal Willoughby (sing songy): Good morning students!

Ms. Fowl (she sighs): What is it now Principal Willoughby?

(Willoughby walks up to Jimmy's desk. Jimmy gives him a suspicious look.)

Principal Willoughby: Jimmy, just the young genius I'm looking for. I have a very important job for you.

Jimmy: Ah, you do?

Principal Willoughby: Yes, as I was cleaning out my basement, I found my old Dexy's Midnight Runners t-shirt. Still in really good shape, too! I need you to use your Shrink Ray on reverse mode so it will fit me again.

Jimmy (huh?): What? I have no time to use my inventions for menial things like increasing the size of sentimental clothing!

Ms. Fowl (she glares at Willoughby): Yes, I am not impressed of how you interupted my class just so you could acquire a shirt marked with a band that no one even likes anymore.

Butch (menacingly): Hey! Come on Eileen is a great song!

Cindy (countering): What? No it isn't! Quit pretending you know anything about eighties music!

Ms. Fowl: Bah, Styx could totally take those wussies on in a fight.

Principal Willoughby (countering): Oh, yeah right! Like that cheese factory could match the awesomeness of Kevin Rowland's bittersweet songs of catholic guilt.

Sheen (he puts a hand to his head in a fatigued gesture): Ugh, all this talk about bands that we ignorant youth have yet to hear of is giving me a headache, and the only cure is for all of you to (he begins to shout) SHUT UP!

(The classroom door opens, a tall and serious looking old man with a shaggy gray hairstyle and a black suit enters. He looks accusingly at Principal Willoughby. Willoughby's face pales as he recognizes him.)

Principal Willoughby (in frightful surprise): Oh..! Superintendent Yorke! What a surprise..

Superintendent Yorke: Willoughby! Perhaps you can explain all of these complaints I've been receiving about you.

Cindy (she leans toward Libby): Woa! You got a superintendent to show up?

Libby: Yeah, they were supposed to talk in private, but with Willoughby's nostalgia for bad eighties bands causing him to show up here, all of us will be able to watch the entire show. What a grand stroke of luck, huh?

(Superintendent Yorke removes a piece of paper from one of his suit pockets. He unfolds it to read it aloud.)

Superintendent Yorke: "Refuses to compromise on student complaints, verbally harasses anyone when given the chance, grades unfairly as a substitute teacher, and probabley hates cute baby ducks."

Principal Willoughby (in shocked surprise): Wha-What? Those are utterly outrageous accusations! None of that is true!

Superintendent Yorke (he gives an imposing stare): You can see by the look on my face that I am taking these complaints very seriously; for they distrub me greatly.

Principal Willoughby (defensive): Oh yeah? You know who else was bombarded with complaints on his views?

Libby: Duvalier?

Cindy: Stalin?

Jimmy: Ceausescu?

Carl: Henry the VIII?

Sheen: George W. Bush?

(Yorke eyes Willoughby with stern reprehension. Willoughby looks at the floor in defeat.)

Principal Willoughby: I was going to say Copernicus; but I guess the point is moot.

Sheen (raising a hand & smiling happily): What's a moot?

(Yorke gives another dirty look to Willoughby.)

(CUT to INT Shot - Back in the Neutron living room. Judy is sitting down next to Hugh on the couch, listening intently to his story. She gives him an inquisitive look.)

Judy Neutron: And?

Hugh Neutron (he shrugs): That's it.

Judy Neutron (she blinks with surprise): What? You're just gonna leave it unfinished?

Hugh Neutron: Hey, its got an ending. Willoughby complies with Libby's demands and everyone's happy again. The end.

Judy Neutron (in angry disappointment): Sounds more like a cop out to me.

Hugh Neutron (reassuringly): Alot of episodes end in cop outs, sugar booger.

Judy Neutron (she gives a disappointed huff): You could have been different and original by adding at least another humorous scene, maybe have Libby say a soliloquy or two. You didn't even add a quirky invention our son could have made to increase the appeal of the plot. I mean, what's up with that?

Hugh Neutron: He did make that burning machine.

Judy Neutron (she frowns): You know what I mean.

Hugh Neutron: Guess I just lost interest in the plot. Just like that pottery class I took last month.

Judy Neutron (shaking her head): Oh Hugh..

Hugh Neutron: Don't worry your pretty head about it, cotton doll. I got more ideas frolicing about in my cerebrum than a tick rodeo in a stable.

Judy Neutron (in low indignation): What a disgusting metaphor...

Hugh Neutron: Okay, I like to call this one: Responsible Pet Ownership. (He points to the camera.) Roll it!

(CUE Rotating Atom)


	3. Forgive Me Mr Alcorn

(CUE Rotating Atom) 

(CUT To EXT Shot - Retroville park. Sheen is holding onto a thick chain. His arms are visibly straining as he holds on tightly to the chain attached to the unseen thing. Despite the effort, he is grinning joyfully. Jimmy walks by, his eyes widen in amazed fear as he stops near Sheen.)

Sheen (absolutely thrilled): Hi Jimmy! Check out the new dog I just got!

Jimmy (his eyes in unblinking worry): I see, ah, what is it exactly?

(The camera ZOOMS out to show Sheen's dog. It is a massive three headed Cerberus dog, each head is snarling and huffing with beastly danger. A chain is around each head, connected to a thicker chain being held in Sheen's hands.)

Sheen: It's a demon-dog known as a Cerberus. Pretty cool, huh?

Jimmy: Ah, I guess it is.

Sheen (obliviously happy): Yeah, its great. Each head has its own different personality. Lefty likes hard punk music and eating live pigs, Middleman enjoys reading Ann Rice and rotting fish, while Righty has a penchant for newborn infants and the french horn.

Jimmy (he takes a step back): Oh, ah, fascinating.

Sheen: Isn't it? I'm gonna starve him for three days and then let him loose in Ms. Fowl's class. (He snickers mischievously.) It'll cause such a scene, I won't have to go to school for the whole day!

Jimmy (eyeing the beast with dread): Or ever again more likely.

(The three heads of the Cerberus snarl and bare their teeth at each other. Occasionally snapping at whatever head seems to be bothering them. Sheen strains as he is dragged slowly by the great might of its body.)

Sheen: Whoops! It's getting restless. Better get 'em back home. See ya' later Jimmy!

(Jimmy watches as Sheen and his frightening new pet brisk off away from sight.)

Jimmy: O-kay. That was strangely different.

(CUT To Jimmy walking down a street in Downtown Retroville. Nick is leaning against a brick building, looking all nonchalant and "cool", he puts a palm out in lazy greeting.)

Nick: Hey Neutron, did you see my new pet?

Jimmy (he stops walking to look at him): New pet?

Nick: You haven't? He's out in the open, you can't miss it. Unless he's changed into invisible water vapor.

Jimmy: Huh? What kind of pet do you have anyway?

Nick: Well, its a bit tricky, I see no other way to describe it as, in simple terms, a "Big-Ass Sea Monster".

(As if on cue a huge eel-like beast appears. Covered in fin-like wings, it whips its long tail threateningly. It opens its mouth, full of tiny multiple needle sharp teeth, to emit a screeching wail. Jimmy gawps at the sudden appearance of such a monstrosity.)

Nick (calmly): See?

Jimmy (in loud fear): Leaping Leptons! What is that thing?

Nick: The guy I got it from called it Leviathan, but that sounded weird so I changed its name to Dire Hal.

(The Leviathan hisses as it slithers toward a parked car, it bites down on it in mad fury. The crunch of metal and glass audible as it bites harder and begins to shake it. Jimmy stares at Nick with confused dread.)

Jimmy: Well do something! Your its owner, show some authority why don't you!

Nick (he gives a passive shrug): Eh, that car looked stupid anyway. The guy will probably appreciate the insurance money so he can get a convertible.

(The Leviathan raises its massive tail to bat the ruined vehicle as if it were a golf ball. It rockets into the sky, becoming a shrinking dot. The Leviathan then shimmers in a flurry of glitter before disappearing into the air.)

Nick: Hmm, guess he's tuckered out. Probably needs to refuel in the ocean.

(Jimmy can only answer this unexpected craziness with comical silence. Nick begins to walk in the opposite direction of where Jimmy was going.)

Nick: Well, I'm out.

Judy Neutron (voice over): What in the world is going on?

Hugh Neutron (voice over): Just sit back and you'll find out sugar booger.

(CUT To Jimmy walking down one of the streets in his neighborhood. Loud laughter is heard as he looks up to see Bolbi heading in his direction.)

Bolbi: Oh! Bolbi have such great time! (He notices Jimmy.) For Bolbi has got a new pet!

Jimmy (he covers his eyes in tired frustration): Oh God..

Bolbi: He very big. But he very fun. (He turns his head and calls out.) Apollyon! Come say "Hello" to Bolbi's school friend!

(Jimmy clenches his teeth in terror as he sees a mega-huge dragon like monster. Covered in peeling scales, webbed membrane wings, with massive clawed feet resembling a bear's. It strides with fear-riddening purpose, a thick drool escapes from its mouth as it wheezes with an unknown hunger. Bolbi smiles innocently at his new companion.)

Bolbi (all casual and happy): Hideous to behold, for he was chained under everlasting darkness in the great abyss of sorrow! Now, we be best friends!

Jimmy (he stammers at this insanity): Wha..but..Where's everyone getting all these dangerous animals?

Bolbi (teasingly): I won't tell.

(Bolbi bursts into joyful giggles as he runs toward his new atrocity of a companion. Jimmy glares in discouraged annoyance.)

Jimmy: Alright, this has got to stop. I'm going to get to the bottom of all this chaos! And I know exactly who to go to!

(CUT To EXT Shot - A different street. Carl is stapling some flyers onto a wooden telephone pole. Jimmy approaches him.)

Carl: Oh, hey Jim!

Jimmy: Carl, you must know something about these unexpected occurrences of mythical monsters, I mean, I bet you were the first to acquire one thus spreading the hype for all the kids in town to get a murdering abomination.

Carl (he sighs sadly): I wish. But none of the animals Beelzebub had were hypoallergenic.

Jimmy (wha..?): Beelzebub?

Carl: The guy who took over the pet store last week.

(CUT To a Flashback - INT Shot- Inside a dark room dimly lit with multiple candles. Carl steps into view as he looks around.)

Carl: Hello?

(Silence lingers as he looks around the room again.)

Carl: Is anyone here?

Unexpected voice: Yes, yes. I'll be with you shortly.

(The room is suddenly filled with a deafening buzzing noise, Carl gasps as he witnesses countless numbers of flies join and merge with each other to form into a tall, relaxed looking man with a black tidy bowl cut hairstyle and a gray suit along with a pair of recently shined loafers. His eyes stare down at Carl with extreme interest.)

Mystery Man (disturbingly cheerful): Why hello, hello! Yes, hello to me and hello to you, (a dozen flies fly to his outstretched hand to form a business card.) I am Beelzebub, Lord of Flies.

(He stoops slightly to hand the card to Carl. BEELZEBUB: LORD OF FLIES - ARCANE ANIMAL SELLER TO ALL. CLOSED MONDAYS is printed on it. Carl looks at it uneasily.)

Carl (weirded out): Um.. pleased to make your acquaintance?

Beelzebub: I take you are interested in one of my many wonderful specimens from the kingdom of the damned.

Carl: Well, if it doesn't make me itch or sneeze or cause internal bleeding, and at least has some kind of cuddling factor; I'm all up for it.

Beelzebub (he grins with creepy joy): Perhaps a puppy of purgatory will suffice those needs!

Judy Neutron (voice over): Hugh! Children buying evil and vicious monsters from the depths of the underworld? That's a bit much.

Hugh Neutron (voice over): Really? Huh! Brainstorming ideas for TV is not as easy as I thought. Aren't you at least curious of why Carl is putting flyers up?

Judy Neutron (voice over): No, not really.

Hugh Neutron (voice over & brightening): Good! 'Cause I can do that!

(CUT back to the Street with Jimmy and Carl. Jimmy indicates the flyers Carl is holding.)

Jimmy: What's with the flyers? Don't tell me you really did end up getting a beast of sin.

Carl: Nah, I just got a new cat. (He hands Jimmy a flyer.) He wandered away, bad thing is that I don't even have a picture of him so people will know what he looks like. I think I used the right words to describe him though.

(Jimmy looks at the flyers in a puzzled manner.)

Jimmy: Carl, the description just says "Small" and "Cute". I don't think you are being specific enough. I mean, what color is it? Does it have any kind of distinguishing-

(A loud meow is heard. Ike approaches Jimmy and Carl with a cute looking gray tabby, his cheeks and arms are covered in scratches. He thrusts the cat out to Carl in frustrated apathy.)

Ike: Hey Carl, I think I found your cat. This him?

(Carl's eyes brighten happily as he reaches for the cat. It doesn't protest as Carl holds it with caring wonder.)

Carl (joy!): Wow! Thanks Ike! Oh it's so cute! What should I call it?

Ike (confounded): What? It's not even yours?

Jimmy (?): Carl, you've been putting up flyers all over town just for some random cat?

Carl: Yeah, that Beelzebub guy gave me the idea. He told me that's how evil mad scientists get their lab animals. If it works for them, then why not me?

Jimmy: Um, Aren't you allergic to cats anyway?

(Carl blinks in amazement as he looks at his new kitty.)

Carl: Hey, you're right! I'm not sneezing or itching, and my lymph nodes haven't swollen up to hideous proportions. I must be cured!

(A huge gush of blood suddenly dribbles from Carl's nose. Frightened embarrassment crosses his face as he covers a hand over the graphic grossness to shield us from the troubling sight. The kitty, held in his other arm, twitches its ears in innocent cuteness. Jimmy and Ike stare in mortified fascination as blood drips onto the pavement.)

Carl (sheepishly): 'Ho-boy.

Judy Neutron (voice over & sounding fed up): Hugh.. That's horrible!

Hugh Neutron (voice over & pleading): It'll get better pumpkin, just watch.

(CUT To Carl happily walking down the street to his home, holding his new cat with animated cheer. He lifts it so the cat is at his eye level.)

Carl (in elated babble): Who's a pretty little kitty? Who's a pretty little kitty? You are! Yes you are! Oh yes you are!

(The cat "Mrows" with casual grace. Carl approaches the steps to his house. Still hypnotized by the adorable cat.)

Carl: Such a nice kitty indeed! All soft and cute with your dainty little kitty paws..

A Voice: So! It was true after all! Give me my cat back!

(Carl turns around to see the supplier of the voice, it is Nathan, the blond boy in green from Ms. Fowl's class.)

Carl: Huh?

Nathan: Who do you think you are, Carl? You got some nerve stealing other people's treasured pets. (He points an angry finger at him.) You better give him back to me! Right now!

Carl (challenging): Oh yeah? (He gives a mocking snort.) Well, I don't see your name on it, Nathan!

Nathan: It's mine!

Carl: Pfft, yeah right. This cat is so obviously mine, see how it enjoys my company?

Nathan (he takes a challenging step toward him): I won't hesitate to fight you for him!

Carl: Fine by me! I know just the person that can help us settle this!

(CUT To INT Shot - Inside Jimmy's Lab. Jimmy looks from Nathan to Carl in perplexed impatience. The gray tabby scampers about in the background.)

Jimmy: What do you want me to do? Can't you guys settle this petty row amongst yourselves?

Nathan: Look, its simple enough, Carl took my cat and I want it back.

Carl: Nuh-uh! It's my cat! I got witnesses that will vouch for me.

Jimmy (he sighs): Okay, okay. I think I have a solution. I'll use the wisdom from the story of King Solomon to solve this quarrel. I want both of you to pull opposite ends of the cat as hard as you can; then I'll cut it in two, that way each of you will get half of it.

Nathan (intrigued): Cool!

Carl (he shrugs): I guess my folks can still make cat burgers with just half.

(Jimmy's face pales with shocked horror at the reactions from his two unwanted guests. The cat "Mews" innocently as it scampers past his feet. A sound of a ringing telephone is heard.)

Judy Neutron (voice over): Yes, hello?

(CUT To The Neutron living room. Judy is on a cordless phone. Hugh watches this with clear curiosity.)

Judy Neutron: Oh! Hello Mr. Alcorn. (she looks to Hugh) Yes, he's right here.

(Judy offers the phone to Hugh.)

Judy Neutron: Mr. Alcorn wishes to speak with you, and he doesn't sound very pleased.

Hugh Neutron (in quiet anxiety): Oh cinnamon..(he takes the phone.) Yes Keith? Uh-huh.. But. Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sure Nathan's a nice kid, and that he is not like that in person. Y-7. Yes, I understand, completely unacceptable. I'll try to be more careful. G'bye.

(Hugh "blips" the phone off. Judy looks at him skeptically.)

Hugh Neutron (optimistic): No matter! I got a neat side story from that last plot; its not too graphic of course.

(CUT To EXT Shot - Libby approaches her mother, fiddling about in the garden of the Folfax's front yard, holding a baseball sized ivory colored egg.)

Libby: Mama! I found this egg! If it's alright with you, I'd like to try to hatch it and see what it will become! Could I, please?

Mrs. Folfax (she smiles): That's great sweetheart! Having a pet will teach you everything you need to know about responsibility.

(The camera PANS to the left to show Sheen, having just witnessed the conversation, frowning with a fascinated suspicion. He "Hmms" distrustingly.)

Libby (off camera & so happy!): Thanks mama!

(CUT TO INT Shot - The next morning inside the Folfax's kitchen. Libby enters and suddenly gasps with hurt surprise. Sheen is at the stove, the cracked shells from her egg resting near a simmering pan, cooking what appears to be a large omelette. Sheen turns around to look at her with a really happy smile.)

Sheen: Morning Libby! Check it out, your egg hatched into an omelette! You like it with Mexican or Asian ingredients?

Libby (restraining tears): Wha..What? I can't believe this... how..how could you do such a thing? (Her voice becomes louder with hurt emotion.) I hate you! It's over between us! You hear me? I hope you get E Coli and die!

(We CUT Back to the Neutron Living Room. Judy Neutron, sitting down on the couch next to Hugh, looks tiredly away from her husband at his latest spin of a yarn.)

Hugh Neutron (he adjusts his glasses): But you see, Sheen knew it was actually the egg of a psyche beast, which would have fed on Libby's negative emotions. Eventually devouring her once it hatched from its fragile prison. So she really shouldn't have been so mad, you see?

Judy Neutron (she gets up from the couch): I think that's enough ideas for now, dear. Why don't you carry on with something else for the time being?

Hugh Neutron: I still have much to tell, kitten town.

Judy Neutron: Some other time.

Hugh Neutron: Now?

Judy Neutron: No.

Hugh Neutron: How about after I finish this sentence?

Judy Neutron: No, dear.

(Judy exits toward the kitchen. Hugh turns his head toward her direction.)

Hugh Neutron (he deepens his voice with a sexy tone): What if I tell them like this.

Judy Neutron (off camera): Not likely.

Hugh Neutron (his voice returning to normal): No?

Judy Neutron (off camera): No.

Hugh Neutron (let down): I see..

(CUE Rotating Atom)


	4. Ambiguous Video Game Humor

(CUT To EXT Shot - The Neutron's front porch. Hugh is sitting next to one of his duck decoys (This one's a male cinnamon tail!). He shakes a can of waterproofing spray as he talks to it.) 

Hugh Neutron: Well, the real reason I accepted the challenge from the writers was mainly due to my failed attempt at my autobiography. It was going along good until I was told that my life is not that interesting, and no one would ever buy it.

(Hugh removes the top of the water proofing stuff to give his duck a generous spray.)

Hugh Neutron (his voice saddens): You can imagine my dismay at coming to such a realization. (His face flickers with optimism as he pats the duck decoy.) So, to heal my wounded pride I heartedly accepted. I'll be glad to fill you in on what I already told sugar booger. The first story took place-

(Mr. Weezer approaches Hugh, interrupting his "conversation". We notice a skateboard tucked under his arm.)

Mr. Weezer: Hey neighbor, you wanna be sure you or Judy let Carl in the house when he gets home? I'm going out for a bit. You still have a key, right?

Hugh Neutron: Yeah, that won't be a problem Weezer, I can do that. (He gets up to his feet) Where are you off to?

Mr. Weezer (proudly): I'm going to the skate park!

Hugh Neutron: Skate park?

Mr. Weezer: That's right neighbor! I just successfully completed a bunch of those Tony Hawk skateboarding games you lent me, so I decided to go pro.

Hugh Neutron (impressed): Hey, that's neat! (He gestures to his friend's casual appearance.) Um, shouldn't you be wearing some kind of protective gear? A helmet at least.

Mr. Weezer: A helmet? (He gives a mocking snort.) Come on Neutron, do you want me to look like some rookie chump on the halfpipe? I mean, how hard can it be?

(CUT To EXT Shot - Retroville Skate park. Mr. Weezer is in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the halfpipe. His board cracked and missing two of the wheels. The camera PANS upward to show Arnie and Oleander, clad in skateboard safety gear, looking down at him in confused pity. Hugh Neutron walks into view, peering at the scene as well.)

Oleander: Geez, why in the heck didn't he wear a helmet?

Arnie: What I can't figure out is why he kept yelling out "Down, Left, Circle."

Hugh Neutron (calling out): Hang in there Weezer! The ambulance is on its way!

Arnie: Ambulance? Pfft, more like you should have called for a Dumbulance!

Oleander (he looks at Arnie wearily): "Dumbulance?" That's so weak.

Arnie: Oh now you've become some joke snob now? Don't tell me you're still mad at me for losing your copy of Final Fantasy IX.

Oleander (irked): I was on the fourth disc! Of course I'm still mad!

(Hugh places a hand under his chin in thought. His eyes flicker with a new idea.)

Hugh Neutron: Hey, that gives me an idea for another great story!

(Oleander and Arnie exchange puzzled glances at Hugh's outburst. Hugh claps his hands in a beckoning manner.)

Hugh Neutron: Come 'ere atom!

(CUE Rotating Atom.)

(CUT To EXT Shot - A large open grass field. A loud roar of rage is heard as the camera PANS to the left to show an angry Gromp (The final stage of a Twonky. Fans should know!) stomping toward a silhouetted figure. It swings one of its huge clawed hands and strikes the figure away as if it were a fly. A 4503 appears briefly over the figure as it gets to its feet. The figure begins to speak, its loud familiar voice telling us that Sheen is its identity.

Sheen: Oh, that did it. Get ready for some pain, buck-o!

(Sheen stands tall, his attire consisting of big black army boots, torn blue jeans, leather belts wrapped around his thighs and shins, a navy leather shirt and a silver ball bearing stud pierced through his left eyebrow. A shining handgun holstered on each side of his hips. The Gromp brisks toward him in growling fury.)

Sheen: See how you like the taste of a Limit Break!

(Sheen thrusts his hands into the air above him. A yellow light glows from underneath his feet in an image of unknown power. He seizes his guns, twirling them in the way only an experienced gunfighter would know of before aiming them at the Gromp, which still advances to him with no fear.)

Sheen (in loud determination): Manic Heartbeat!

(Sheen begins to fire with impossible speed at the Gromp. Numbers pop up at each hit the Gromp takes. 3999, 4552, 4007, 6297, 7773, 5905, scores and scores of four digit numbers. The Gromp roars with enraged pain from Sheen's onslaught of quick gunfire. Sheen stops firing to cross his arms over his chest in an X form, still clutching his weapons, unexplained blue light glows from him. He aims his guns and fires both at the same time to inflict two damaging 9999s to the Gromp. It roars with angry defeat as it disappears into a cloud of shimmering atoms.)

Sheen (jubilant): Oh Yeah! I am the man!

(Sheen's achievement is then acknowledged by a catchy bit of victory music (The Final Fantasy VII version of Victory Fanfare to be exact!). Sheen gives a half smile of confidence as he nonchalantly wipes his brow with one of the handles from the guns he's holding.)

Sheen: That should let me go up at least two levels.

(A few trills are heard as a text window appears above Sheen; he looks up to it hopefully. It reads: SHEEN HAS EARNED 31,000 EXP. POINTS. SHEEN HAS GAINED 3 LEVELS. BOLT IS NOW AT MAXIMUM STRENGTH.)

Sheen (in happy surprise): Three? Awesome! And my Bolt magic is at full strength, too!

(CUT To EXT Shot- Downtown Retroville. Jimmy is eagerly reading a book, with no title, on a quiet street. His outfit consisting of a stonewashed sheepskin jerkin, khaki pants with atom decorated shin guards and a metal belt armed with miniature knives, bombs and inventors tools; plus, a black DNA helix tattoo covering his right eye. Loud hurried steps are heard as he looks up to see Sheen before him.)

Sheen: Jimmy! Oh, man! You won't believe it! Guess who gained three levels in one battle?

Jimmy: The undead corpse of Frederick Banting?

Sheen: Yeah! (he pauses as he realizes what was said) Wait, what? No! Me!

Jimmy (he laughs): Ah, I'm just kidding, I knew who you meant. What'd you beat in order to do that?

Sheen: Heh, you know that evolved Twonky that was running amok? I got him good, only had to use one cure potion during the whole thing, AND I got to use my new Limit Break - Manic Heartbeat.

Jimmy: Wow, that's impressive. Betty and I have been trying to beat him all week but it would just keep running away. (His tone becomes arrogant.) Guess who got the book that tells you how to summon Bahamut?

Unseen familiar voice: God! You RPG guys are the biggest nerds ever!

(Jimmy and Sheen turn to see Butch sneering at them with disgusted anger.)

Butch (he rubs his knuckles menacingly): I don't mind too much though, all the more enjoyment I'll get as I beat you guys within an inch of your lives.

(A text window appears above Butch: LEVEL 30 SCHOOL YARD BULLY APPEARS! Jimmy and Sheen exchange confident smirks.)

Sheen (jeering): Pfft, level thirty?

Jimmy: It's too easy.

(Butch looks up at the text window above him in dazed perplexion.)

Butch (huh?): Hey, how'd you guys do that?

(Sheen gives Jimmy a playful elbow to his shoulder.)

Sheen: Try summoning that Bahamut thing you were talkin' about.

Jimmy (he opens the book): Great minds must think alike, because I was just planning on doing just that.

(CUT To a different street in Retroville. Cindy is casually walking about, minding her own business. An eardrum shattering roar bellows out, followed by a human scream of terror is heard in the distance. She stops walking immediately, eyes darting back in forth in unsettled fear.)

Cindy: Holy geez! What was that?

(A rumble of wind is heard, she looks up to see a magnificent black dragon fly off into the sky, disappearing into the clouds with calm beauty. Her mouth agape in stupefied amazement.)

Cindy (she blinks): Was..was that a dragon? It couldn't be...

(Laughter is suddenly heard. She looks to see Jimmy and Sheen unknowingly walking towards her exchanging claps and "skin" with their hands in a fancy handshake.)

Sheen: That level thirty bully thought he was so tough. He ran away before we could see how much experience points he was holding; I bet you five bucks he wet his pants.

Jimmy: By witnessing an invincible Summon beast, there's probably more then just damp pants causing his discomfort.

Sheen (he laughs with manic joy): Oh man, probably!

(They stop walking as they notice Cindy blocking their path with arms crossed, and a suspicious frown on her unblinking face.)

Cindy: What are you two freaks laughing about? (She notices their new clothing.) And what's the deal with the outfits?

(Jimmy and Sheen pose into defensive stances; Sheen's hands rest on his guns, Jimmy's hand hovers over his medieval looking utility belt.)

Jimmy (in mocking fear): Uh-oh! It's a Level 90 She-Harpy!

Sheen (he gives a taunting smile): There's no way we can beat her Jimmy. We better run away, the stench of her evil is making me gag!

(Cindy storms toward them, her fists clenched at her sides.)

Cindy (fury!): What did you just say?

(Jimmy and Sheen turn to run away just as a text window appears above them: CAN'T ESCAPE! They skid to a stop after attempting to run.)

Sheen: Aw, man! We can't run away!

Cindy (pointing at the unexpected text message): Wha..? What is that thing?

(The text then flashes: CINDY IS CONFUSED!)

Jimmy: Quick, Try again!

(Jimmy grabs a vial from his belt, he throws it to the ground. A huge cloud of smoke erupts to surround them. Loud coughing is heard as the smoke lingers. The text window states SMOKE SCREEN USED! The area clears, Cindy still coughing lightly, Jimmy and Sheen are seen halfway down the street running off. The text window blinks GOT AWAY SAFELY!. Cindy stares after their disappearing forms with raw anger.)

Cindy (yelling): Neutron! You better have a good explanation for this; all of this craziness is probably your doing!

(CUT To Retroville Park. Nick, with a sucker in his mouth, and Carl are sitting on a park bench. Both are clad in cobalt blue SWAT-Team style armor, imprinted with black silhouettes of roaring dragons. They proceed to engage in an interesting conversation.)

Carl: For when I go up ahead into the Red Team's territory I typically pack the M4A1 assault rifle, I got the silencer and the laser javelin for attachments. Nobody knows what magic I did until the evening news.

Nick (agreeing): Heh, I hear ya. (He crunches his sucker happily.) I think I taped that very segment on Monday.

Carl: Yeah, the scores of lifeless bodies were talked about even on the breakfast show too. (He giggles happily before regarding Nick.) What about you?

(Nick flicks his sucker-less stick away.)

Nick: Picture this, for ambushing the front lines, its strictly the Hypervelocity cannon. A tad cumbersome, yes, but not only does it take out multiple targets it also leaves an exit wound the size of a volleyball. (He pauses.) Court!

(Nick and Carl explode into jubilant laughter. Carl wraps his arms around his chest in a delighted fashion as the laughter loudens.)

Carl (very amused): Ha-ha! Oh man, that's good. That's really good.

(The camera quickly ZOOMs out to show Cindy, who is in close earshot of the conversation, pale terror all over her face. Nick and Carl's laughter disappear as they notice her presence.)

Carl (innocently): What?

Nick (giving Carl an elbow to the ribs): Hey, isn't she a sniper for the Red Team?

Carl (he adjusts his glasses): Maybe. The Red Team did just hire a bunch of new rookies.

(Carl then removes what appears to be a grenade from behind his back. Cindy gapes in surprise.)

Carl: Better safe than sorry I always say.

(Nick nods as Carl pulls the pin off of it. Cindy blinks with confoundment.)

Cindy (freaked out): What the heck is wrong with guys?

(Carl tosses the grenade at Cindy. She bats it away in midair before running off; the grenade bounces underneath the bench. Carl and Nick exchange worrisome glances.)

Nick (yelling): Fire in the hole!

(They dive off the bench just in time before being caught in the explosion. A shower of cracked wood and clumps of dirt and grass bounce off them. Carl looks at Nick guiltily.)

Carl: Aw, HQ's probably gonna yell at me again for wasting another grenade. I just know it.

(CUT To Cindy running toward the other side of Retroville Park. She stops to look behind her.)

Cindy: Okay, that was scary. Carl and Nick hanging out with each other and casually discussing homicide? What's going on with this town?

Unseen boy's voice: Give it up Strych! You got nowhere to run!

(Cindy looks to her right to see Ike and Tina-Sue in the same blue armor Carl and Nick were earlier. They are aiming grenade launchers at a scowling Eustace Strych and his bored looking butler, Blix. Both are dressed in ruby red armor adorned with black silhouettes of howling wolf heads.)

Tina-Sue: Just surrender now while you can still draw a breath!

Eustace: That's very unlikely. (He sneers confidently.) You obviously haven't fought a Red Team Lieutenant General before.

(Eustace snaps his fingers, Blix steps forward, wielding a very intimidating rocket launcher to hand to his employer. Eustace slips it over his shoulder and aims it at the two. Ike and Tina-Sue remain emotionless to the new situation. )

Eustace: You may be putting on brave faces to mask your dread now, but soon my battle aura will grow and before you know it, all of you Blue Team dogs will be submitting to the invincible might that is the Red Team.

(Ike and Tina-Sue blink with confusion.)

Tina-Sue: Uh, what battle aura?

Eustace (he gives a mocking scoff): Stupid middle class rubbish. The glowing red light around me of course!

Ike: Like, now? Uh, you don't have one.

Eustace: What? (He turns to Blix.) Blix, is this true?

Blix (he studies him): Hmm, now that you mention it. I do not see ze aura, Herr Strych.

Eustace: You can't be serious, I was sure I tapped into it. (He gives Blix a worried look) Are you sure?

Blix (he sighs): Javol.

Ike: Yeah, I don't see anything.

Eustace: It must be! Surely you are mistaken.

Tina-Sue: Nopers.

Eustace: Impossible, I paid five hundred dollars to acquire the chakra upgrade to my armor and the rocket launcher its compatible with.

Tina-Sue (she rolls her eyes): Oh God, don't tell me you're one of those lazy gamers that pay real money to get whatever imaginary money you need so you can buy all the weapons and stuff; that just ruins the whole experience.

Ike (sarcastically): Call Jimmy, I think there's a new genius in town.

Eustace (furious at the embarrassment): Shut up both of you! Your rude outbursts will only be a memory once I destroy you all! (His voice heightens to a yell.) For the glory of the Red Team!

(Eustace clenches his free hand into a fist and squeezes his eyes shut, teeth clenched and knees bent in concentration. He lets out a "HERAAAAUGH!" of determination.)

Eustace: Can you see it now?

Tina-Sue (tiredly): No.

(Eustace repeats his weird performance and does another forced yell of persistence. Blix shakes his head in a condescending manner.)

Eustace (eyes still shut): What about now?

Ike (unimpressed): Listen, are we gonna battle, or are you going to soil yourself or something?

(Eustace continues to try to muster up his "battle aura". Cindy watches this event with muddled wonder.)

Cindy: This is getting stranger by the minute.

(CUT To EXT Shot - Outside Lindbergh School. Cindy walks by in somewhat of a daze. Confused beyond a shadow of a doubt.)

Cindy: What's going on here? It's as if Retroville has become some giant bedlam. Maybe I should try to find Neutron and make him stop this insanity.

(Rapid, running steps are heard. Cindy looks up just in time to avoid a collision with Ms. Fowl; who is donned in brown leather armor and a huge unwieldy looking sword strapped to her back.)

Ms. Fowl: Sorry Cindy, I'm late for a Teacher's Meeting!

Cindy (eyeing her garb with puzzlement): Ah..Ms. Fowl?

(Ms. Fowl quickens her pace. Suddenly two menacing looking monsters pop out in thin air right in front of her. A giant snail and goblin-type thing in ruddy looking shorts. A text window appears stating: MUTANT SNAIL AND STONE IMP APPEAR! Cindy gawps bafflingly.)

Ms. Fowl (in loud anger): Son of a bad person! (She gives an angry squawk as she effortlessly grabs the crazy-huge sword from her back.) Not another random monster battle!

(The monsters "Grr!" menacingly. They both hunker down into defensive modes. The Mutant Snail lowers its "head" while the Stone Imp covers his head with his fists.)

Ms. Fowl (still pretty mad): I have no time for this. Why is it you weak monsters always engage me in battle when all you do is just defend? I mean, really!

(Ms. Fowl dashes forward, swinging her massive sword with graceful strength. A 5599 appears above the Mutant Snail while a 4073 hovers above the Stone Imp. The monsters disappear in a cloud of atoms. Victory music fills the scene as Cindy watches Ms. Fowl pump her fist in the air and then twirl her huge sword in bored victory as if it were a weightless baton.)

Ms. Fowl (she huffs): Bah! I don't even have time to collect the experience points!

(Ms. Fowl returns her sword to her back. She quickly rushes into the school with determination. Cindy is speechless after viewing such a scene. Voices are heard off camera from within the school.)

Principal Willoughby (off camera & annoyed): Well, fifteen minutes late Winifred! Let me guess, random monsters again?

Ms. Fowl (off camera & mad): Shut it Willoughby! Just for that, I'm not going to let you join me on my next side quest!

(CUT to INT/EXT Shot Split Screen - Sheen and Libby are on the phone. Sheen (still in his RPG outfit) in his bedroom with a corded Ultra Lord telephone and Libby on her cellphone outside Lindbergh School's playground, clothed in the familiar blue armor we've seen before. Her eyes are watchful as she speaks.)

Libby: Three levels? That's pretty good Sheen!

Sheen (pleased): It is isn't it? You wanna come level up at the Tonberry Castle with me tonight?

Libby: Sorry, I can't, I have to do my rounds for Blue Team. Both patrolling and guarding the flag. I am open for tomorrow though.

Sheen (loud & joyful): Awesome! You going to wear your new ninja outfit upgrade?

Libby: I don't see why not. I mean, not only does it add twelve points to my Evade stat, it also makes me look all mysterious and provocative.

Sheen (in a husky tone): Yes it does!

(Libby looks uneasily to the phone at Sheen's excited response. Soft footsteps are heard, she frowns with suspicion before speaking into the phone.)

Libby: Gotta go Sheen, I think a Red Team spy's in my area.

Sheen (unabashed): Remember! Ninja outfit equals uber-titillating!

(Libby "blips" her phone off. Sheen's screen disappears as Libby's becomes fullscreen. She pockets her cellphone as she steps forward.)

Libby (calling out): You might as well show yourself! I know someone's out there!

(Cindy comes into view eyeing her friend uneasily. Libby relaxes.)

Libby: Oh! Hey Cindy!

Cindy: Libby? Your part of this insanity too?

Libby: Insanity?

Cindy: Um, the unexplained text floating in the air, people talking about killing other human beings in a casual manner, random encounters with monsters. I can only imagine what other stuff is going on. You can tell that all that's not a definition of normal.

Libby: Girl, where have you been the past month? Under a rock?

Cindy (confusion X 2): You mean this didn't just start happening today?

Libby: Wow, who knew you'd take the news of Jimmy inviting Betty Quinlan to join his team with temporary amnesia.

Cindy: How could all this be going on for a month when it- (Her eyes widen as Libby's last statement finally gets to her. Her voice in loud rage.) Betty Quinlan is part of what?

Libby (she sighs tiredly): Well, Jimmy needed an archer to help him with his last side quest. She's at a pretty high level so he invited her to join his party. She learned all her Limit Breaks by level forty, I thought a feat like that would be impossible to do.

Cindy (determined fury): That does it! Libby, tell me all you know about this game. I wanna join this fiasco too!

Libby: Sorry, I have to go to HQ to protect the flag. (She gestures to the school.) Ms. Fowl will tell you everything you need to know about the games. (she gives a wave) Later.

(Libby sprints away, onward to her mission. Cindy proceeds toward the school.)

Cindy (she snarls): Betty Quinlan.. BAH! I bet I could kill more monsters than she can, and I won't need no stupid bow and arrow to do it!

(CUT TO INT Shot - Lindbergh School Hallway. Ms. Fowl is at a desk doing a bit of paperwork. A sign stating "RPG & FPS SIGN UP HERE" is above her. Running steps are heard as she looks up to see an out of breath Sheen before her. She narrows her eyes tiredly at him.)

Ms. Fowl (coldly): Oh marvelous, one of my favorite pupils.

Sheen (clueless of her sarcasm): Ms. Fowl! Can you set me up to be a member of Blue Team for the First Person Shooter?

Ms. Fowl: I suppose. (She flips some papers to find an application.) I take you have experience?

Sheen: Heck yeah! I have twenty-one million experience points!

(Ms. Fowl does a double take at Sheen's response. She frowns as Sheen gives a manic smile.)

Ms. Fowl (darkly): Oh how humorous, are you supposed to be Abbot or Costello?

Sheen (he realizes what she meant): Oh, you mean job experience! (He pauses in thought.) Well, I can kill monsters, if I have my guns with me. What with my RPG class being a gunslinger. And I did work at a restaurant; I can grill a mean burger for Blue Team should they need kitchen duty.

Ms. Fowl (she complies): I suppose that can be done. I got a task for you to do, before you can start up though.

(Ms. Fowl begins to write quickly on a number of applications. Cindy approaches them, she eyes Sheen with annoyance.)

Cindy: What are you doing here, Ultra Loser?

Sheen (he strikes a defensive pose): So! The She-Harpy returns!

Cindy (she glares): Knock it off!

Sheen (smugly): Heh, decided to finally join the crowd, eh Vortex?

Cindy: That's none of your business. (She looks toward Ms. Fowl scribbling on some paperwork) Why are you here anyway, aren't you already playing?

Sheen: Yeah, but you can sign up for both games. It's gonna be difficult to juggle two roles but I'm totally ready. Libby does it all the time. She's a ninja for the RPG and a First Lieutenant on the Blue Team for the FPS. (He gives a dreamy look.) I love a girl who can multitask from deadly assassin of the night, to sharp shooting soldier with no mercy. It's as if she's the physical form of poetry itself.

Cindy (not really listening): Yeah, whatever. What kind of details can you tell me about what Neutron does with that big show-off Betty Quinlan?

(Ms. Fowl interrupts by leaving her seat to hand Sheen a sheet of paper.)

Ms. Fowl: Alright Sheen, everything's all set up. All you need to do is clean out my car and get my sword polished. Then you can get started with Blue Team.

(Ms. Fowl removes her huge sword from her back to hand it to Sheen. He struggles to hold it but to know avail. It clangs to the floor, as he still keeps a grip in the handle.)

Sheen: What? Aw man! Why do I gotta do that?

Ms. Fowl: Payback for that dumb Experience Points joke. (She yells loudly.) Now move it!

(Sheen drags the sword by the handle as he walks away. Cindy blinks at the absurdity.)

Sheen (exasperated): How can you even hold this thing anyway?

(Sheen exits. Cindy steps forward to Ms. Fowl.)

Cindy: Ms. Fowl, I want to sign up for the roleplaying game.

Ms. Fowl: Alright then, since you are a new player you'll need to do the mandatory beginner's course.

Cindy: What? Can't I just get started right away?

Ms. Fowl: Rules are rules, Cindy. With your lack of gaming skills you have to take it in order to play. You're in luck though, (she makes a cawing bird noise) the first class starts in five minutes. It's taking place outside on the basketball court.

Cindy: Okay, okay. Then I can mop the floor with Betty Quinlan at her own game?

Ms. Fowl (hesitant): Ah, I guess?

Cindy: Good! I'll be there!

(CUT TO EXT Shot - Basketball Court. The camera focuses on Cindy's greatly annoyed stare.)

Cindy (in a dull rage): This is absolutely ridiculous..

(The Camera ZOOMS out to show Bolbi with large blocks, stamped with question marks, around him. He appears to be the teacher of this said Beginner's Course.)

Bobli: Firstly, do not be afraid of these boxes. They each possess a neat something. Be it a coin or even a star!

Cindy: How does this have anything to do with killing monsters or hunting down your fellow man? Isn't this game like twenty years old or something?

Bolbi: I don't see how it could be. This game be the latest craze in my native Backhairestan!

Cindy (sarcastic): Just like cassette players and microwave ovens, huh?

Bolbi (politely): Bolbi asks for silence during learning time.

Cindy: Look, just sign my application saying I sat through this joke of a class, then you can wallow in all the silence you want.

Bolbi (he frowns): It no joke!

Cindy: Seems like it. I hope you aren't serious in pursuing a career in teaching.

Bolbi: Bolbi is committed to his students! I no pushover!

Cindy (she crosses her arms defiantly): More like committed to asinine nonsense.

Bolbi (getting mad): You best watch what you say to Bolbi!

(He then removes a red mushroom, with tiny black eyes, from his pocket. Cindy raises an eyebrow at the unexpected appearance of the fungi.)

Bolbi: Don't make me eat this red mushroom and get all big!

(CUT Back To The Skate Park - Hugh Neutron is still talking with Oleander and Arnie, who appear to be horrendously bored of Hugh's crazy story.)

Hugh Neutron (cheerfully): ..But instead he got really sick! Cindy just forged his name on the application and then chose Martial Artist as her class. She advanced her first twenty levels all in one day! I hear she likes to do stuff like that to try and impress my Jimbo on a regular basis, doesn't she?

Arnie: Um, I think it's time for us to go sir.

(Arnie and Oleander attempt to leave but Hugh steps in front of them.)

Hugh Neutron: Now hold on, I need to tell you boys something. I don't want you kids picking up any strange mushrooms just for the curiosity that they may make you twice your original size and allow you to smash bricks with your head. You know that doesn't actually happen, do you?

Oleander (wha..?): What? Hey, we may be kids but we aren't that stupid! Geez!

Hugh Neutron: Good, I'm glad. (He smiles happily.) Now flowers are an entirely different thing, you can eat as much of those as you want! They let you shoot fire!

(Arnie and Oleander exchange weirded out looks. Hugh's face wrinkles with confusion at their puzzled expressions.)

Hugh Neutron: What? I'm only stating a fact. (His eyes widen.) Oh! How 'bout I tell you kids of the time sugar booger and I were sent to investigate a mansion owned by Umbrella Corp?

(CUT To INT Shot - A Fancy looking hallway with neat carpeting and large paintings on the wall. Hugh and Judy Neutron, clad in S.T.A.R.S bullet proof vests and armed with bowie knives and Beretta handguns holstered to their waists, examine a wooden door.)

Judy Neutron (disappointed): No good, it's locked. Just when we were getting to the bottom of things, too!

Hugh Neutron: Perhaps this is a good time to use that tin foil I found in the courtyard.

Judy Neutron (frustrated): Hugh! For the last time we are not going to use the tinfoil. It's nothing but garbage.

Hugh Neutron (insisting): But it was sparkling!

Judy Neutron (more frustration!): I know it was shiny! That's because its tinfoil, not because its important! Red Jewel - Important. Wolf Medal - Important. Tinfoil - Worthless.

(CUT To The Wooden Door bursting open. Hugh steps into the new room, we notice some shiny foil taped to one of his boots. Judy follows, an enervated look on her face.)

Hugh Neutron (cheery): See butter biscuit? It worked! The tinfoil added ten points of strength to my boots so I could kick doors open!

Judy Neutron (she sighs angrily): Trying to reason with you is like attempting to do laundry with a fishing pole.

(A low growling moan is heard in the distance. Hugh seizes his gun.)

Hugh Neutron: Whup! Head's up there sugar booger, there's two zombies in this room!

(CUT back to Reality at the skate park. Arnie and Oleander are now walking away.)

Hugh Neutron: Yeah, it seemed childish at first but if you saw the foil in the first place, you would have felt it was important too! So, I had to use it.

Judy Neutron (voice over): There you are!

(Judy approaches her husband as Hugh's eyes brighten.)

Hugh Neutron: Hey there darling! I was just reminiscing our stories of our years with the S.T.A.R.S unit to the kids. Remember the time we fought that awful Mr. Birkin and then defeated that big scary Nemesis thing?

Judy Neutron: Dear, please..

Hugh Neutron (continuing away): Or when I lost Jimmy in that creepy abandoned town. Good thing that police officer, Cybil Bennet, was there. Sure she became possessed but-

Judy Neutron (irritated): Hugh, none of that really happened. You were just playing those survival horror games that whole day last week, remember?.

Hugh Neutron (still in good spirits): Oh yeah, you're right. Wow, I was pretty scared when I finally went to bed. I had to beg you to hold me until I fell asleep.

Judy Neutron (tiredly): I think its time we went home, dear.

Hugh Neutron: Sure thing honey, I got some more episode ideas to tell you as well! Can we stop by the game store on the way?

(Judy grabs her husband's arm and proceeds to haul him away.)

Judy Neutron: No.

Hugh Neutron (pleading): Oh come on, please? Can I at least rent Duck Hunt?

(Judy sighs with audible annoyance.)

(CUE Rotating Atom.)


	5. Look At The Cute Brats

(CUT To INT Shot - Back at the Neutron's Residence in the living room. Hugh is following Judy around; talking away with more video game babble.) 

Hugh Neutron: Or remember the time we both went to the land of Nightopia to help that purple guy defeat the evil Wizeman? Oh wow, that was amazing! Wouldn't you love to fly so effortlessly and carefree again, sparkle button?

(Judy gives a loud sigh. She stops walking to turn and face her husband.)

Judy Neutron (in reasoning anger): Hugh, if you mention another video game reference, I swear you will end up sleeping in the yard for the rest of the month.

Hugh Neutron (gasp!): Ouch, and today's only the 2nd. that'd be a long time, doe dumpling.

Judy Neutron (seriously): Exactly.

Hugh Neutron: Well, how am I supposed to inspire the writers if I can't discuss my displaced reality of dream-adventures?

Judy Neutron: I believe there are other productive ways of inspiring people, dear.

Hugh Neutron (compromising): Alright, alright, how about this? In an attempt to serve some kind of penance for all the monsters and video game violence in the last story lines, how 'bout I go for the cuteness factor?

Judy Neutron (suspicious): Cuteness factor? Like what?

Hugh Neutron: Why the Jimster and his pals at a younger age, of course! (His voice heightens in volume.) Bring that elusive Atom on over, guys!

(CUE Rotating Atom.)

(CUT to EXT Shot - A very kiddy-ish playground with pink and blue swings, a playground carousel adorned with clouds and butterflies, a red see-saw, a twisting slide in rainbow colors and piles of sand.)

Unseen kid's voice: Love each other!

(The camera PANS to see a younger looking Sheen, about five years old, holding a frog in one hand and a squirrel in the other - bumping them against each other to try to make them kiss. Little Sheen is clad in a white Ultra Lord shirt and dirty jean shorts. We notice one of his front teeth are missing.)

Little Sheen: Come on! I want my fwog-squirrel mutant! LOVE EACH OTHER!

Unseen Narrator (his tone annoyingly happy): Hey there, lil' Sheen.

(Little Sheen startles at the voice. He drops his animals, which hop and scamper away in a hurry, and looks toward the camera.)

Little Sheen (he cocks his head): Who a' you?

Unseen Narrator (cheery): No one special! Can you tell me what you did in school today?

Little Sheen (using his fingers to count his tasks): Uh, I pwayed wif matches, pulled Cindy's hair, I ran wif scissors, I defeated the other kids wif Ultwa Lord, I kicked some wocks, 'den I tookt' a nap.

Unseen Narrator (still cheery): You're pretty bad. Did you do anything that didn't make the teacher angry?

Little Sheen (avoiding eye contact): I, um, I learned to spell.

Unseen Narrator (cheery!): No you didn't you snot nosed liar. Let's check out how Libby is as a little tike!

(CUT to EXT Shot - a younger looking Libby is skipping along a pathway. She's dressed in a pink jumper with a music notes adorned on it, and her hair is styled in her Season One Diana Ross hairstyle. A pair of headphones covers her ears. She is focused on the music as she sings to the lyrics.)

Little Libby (singing): I sit and I think about everything we do, And I find myself in misery and that ain't cool!

Unseen Narrator: Hey Libby! You sure like that music don't you?

(Libby doesn't seem to notice the voice of the narrator as she continues to dance and sing.)

Little Libby (still singing): Hey now, I really wanna be with you the whole way through, But the way you make me feel inside leaves confused..

Unseen Narrator: Um, sweetheart?

Little Libby (singing): As I swing back mood to mood it's not because of you, I never want you to be insecure.

Unseen Narrator: Well, this is getting nowhere..

(Little Libby skips out of view from the camera; completely absorbed in her music and not a care in the world.)

Little Libby (off camera but still singing): So won't you understand that I'm only in love you're the only one I need, I'll be there for you when you need me boy, So baby don't still leave.. Just one of them days!

(The camera pans opposite of where Libby exited and we notice a young Nick leaning against a park bench. Immaculately dressed in a little army jacket and jeans. He appears to be a bit donhearted.)

Unseen Narrator: Hey, if it isn't Nick Dean! Well dressed as always, aren't you? Why so glum?

Little Nick (he sighs): Aw, I'll never be able to get that leather jacket I always wanted.

Unseen Narrator: You could hold a garage sale, selling all your insignificant childhood memories.

Little Nick (mopey): Nah, it still wouldn't be enough.

Unseen Narrator (more cheer!): Say! Why don't you sell me your family? Your mother has skin like a porcelain doll and I bet she'd be a great addition to my collection of human toys.

(Little Nick darts his eyes to the screen in uncomfortable shock.)

Litle Nick: Wait, what? Who are you?

Unseen Narrator (quickly changing the subject): Let's check out that Jimmy Neutron when he was a scamp!

(CUT to INT Shot - A school hallway. A younger Jimmy is standing proudly with a briefcase in his hands. Dressed in overalls, with an atom stitched on the chest, and a blue shirt.)

Unseen Narrator: Hey there Jimmy! What did you learn in school on this fine day?

Little Jimmy (matter-of-factly): I learned about the fermidrac statistical distribution, which is valid for particles with a half integer spin number.

(A hand darts out and immediately shoves Jimmy to the floor. The culprit is a young Cindy, dressed in a baggy grey gym shirt and khaki shorts. Her hair is in braided pigtails.)

Little Cindy (annoyed): You're such a precocious brat, Nerdtron! Get out of here!

Little Jimmy: Ow! You'll pay for that you neanderthal!

(Jimmy gets to his feet and returns the shove. Cindy flinches but gives a taunting sneer.)

Little Cindy: Ha! You and what army?

(Cindy snatches Jimmy's briefcase from his hands. Jimmy gasps.)

Little Jimmy (furious): That's mine, Vortex!

Little Cindy (she gives it a wiggle): Why don't you come and get it, big head?

(Little Jimmy lunges for it but Cindy darts it at the last second out of his reach.)

Little Jimmy (voice heightening): Give it back! That's my extra credit homework!

(Little Cindy hides the briefcase behind her back as she looks at Jimmy with an impish smile.)

Little Cindy: Hey Neutron, I bet you play that Magic: The Gathering card game.

Little Jimmy (a bit hesitant): I, um, no. I..I'm not that much of a nerd.

Little Cindy (she giggles): Come on, you play it. Admit it.

Little Jimmy (anger rising): No I don't!

Little Cindy (sounding disappointed): Oh... that..that's too bad. 'Cause I have this extra Time Walk card an' was going to give it and your briefcase back so we could ply a game over at my house, but I guess I'll just sell it at a garage sale and play the game all by myself.

(Little Jimmy's face blushes mildly. He looks at Cindy hopefully.)

Little Jimmy: Do..do you seriously have one of those? I.. I guess.. I wouldn't mind play-

(Little Cindy swings the briefcase swiftly, striking the little boy genius with a good "Whack!")

Little Cindy (laughing): HA! I knew it! I knew you played that game! NERD!

(Little Cindy take off running, still laughing. Little Jimmy clenches his teeth and pursues her.)

Little Jimmy (off camera): You'll be sorry when I remodel my matter eliminator, Cindy.

Unseen Narrator (amused): Oh-ho! Those two haven't changed at all! Now for that Weezer kid!

(CUT To INT Shot - The Weezer Household. Mrs. Weezer is folding clean laundry at the kitchen table. Little Carl approaches her, dressed in brown corduroy pants and a green shirt with an overly cute looking airplane on it. His glasses appear much to big for his face. A stuffed llama is clutched in his hands.)

Little Carl (semi-whiny): Mo-om?

Mrs. Weezer: Yes Carl, sweetie?

Little Carl (the whininess increases): Da..Daddy says that there's a skeleton inside me. Tell him he's lying...

Mrs. Weezer (she laughs lightly): Oh, well. I'm afraid he's right.

Little Carl (he hugs the llama closer): R-Really?

Mrs. Weezer: Yes, in fact..

(The background darkens around her quickly.)

Mrs. Weezer (her voice becomes menacing): There's a skeleton in all of us!

Little Carl (totally freaked out): AIIEEEEEE!

(CUT To INT Shot - The Weezer's living room in the present. Jimmy and his parents are sitting in chairs; nearby the Weezers seated on the sofa. Carl appears very embarrassed as his parents laugh merrily. The Neutrons stare with puzzlement at the story just stated by their neighbors.)

Mr. Weezer (he gives a snort of laughter): He totally freaked out, but we never lied to him. Only stated a fact.

(Mrs. Weezer shields her mouth as she laughs some more. Hugh forces a smile as Judy and Jimmy exchange weirded out glances. Carl looks sheepishly at the floor before viewing his mom and dad.)

Carl (in quiet embarrassment): You guys are bad parents.

Unseen Narrator (cheery): And then the Narrator died!

(A loud thud of a collapsing body is heard.)

Judy Neutron (off camera): Hugh, that's awful!

(The camera CUTS back to the present in the Neutron living room. Judy narrows her eyes at Hugh with complete disappoinment. Hugh avoids her eye contact.)

Hugh Netron (his voice full of humor): Heh, that didn't take long to get back to the wanton, yet hilarious, acts of demntia! Guess that's my true niche of creativity!

(The scene is interrupted by the sound of a doorbell. Judy approaches the front door and opens it to show that the visitor is Carl, one of our favorite protagonists, is at the front. All innocent smiles as he holds a number of magazines.)

Carl: Hi Mrs. Neutron, you look stunning as always today! I thought I'd drop by and return the car maintenance magazines my dad borrowed from you the other day.

Judy Neutron (a bit surprised): Oh, ah, thank you Carl.

Carl: You'll have to pardon his rudeness for not returning them sooner. I, (He darts an icy look at Hugh.) unlike most people, (He reverts to a softer face as he looks to Judy again) are obligated to show courtesy to such a dedicated lady.

(Hugh regards Carl with a weirded out look. Judy clenches her teeth uncomfortably.)

Judy Neutron (she accepts the magazines): Oh, well, I appreciate it.

Carl (he smiles fondly): I'm sure you do.

(A brief silence erupts as Carl lingers at the step. Judy looks uncomfortably askance from the awkwardness. Hugh clears his throat.)

Carl (cheery): So! Doing anything fun or interesting today Judy?

Judy Neutron (searching for an excuse): Uh, there is a, uh, thing I need to do. Perhaps its best you be on your way, Carl.

Carl (he smiles again): Okay! I understand, I respect the privacy that an independently pure woman such as yourself requires. I'll be pleased to speak with you another time.

(Carl skips off as uneasiness clouds on both Hugh and Judy. Judy shuts the door.)

Hugh Neutron: Wow, that Weezer kid seems to be getting stranger everyday. There's something not right about him.

Judy Neutron (trying to be reassuring): I'm sure its only a faze. (She pauses. Giving a creeped out look.) I hope.

(Hugh "Hmm's" with thought. Judy exits up the stairs nearby. A second ticks by as inspiration enters Hugh's eyes. His eyes dart to the camera, pointing his index finger at it.)

Hugh Neutron (mischief in his voice): You know what to do.

(CUE Rotating Atom.)


	6. Villainy 101

(CUT To EXT Shot - Retroville Park. Carl and Libby are sitting on a park bench. Carl is partaking in some conversation while Libby appears uninterested in his subject.) 

Carl: So you see, the difference between a llama and an alpaca is size and fiber quality. Llamas are usually twice the size as alpacas and seem to have a calmer disposition, and llama wool is coarser than alpaca wool.

Libby (uninterested!): Uh-huh.

Carl: Most prefer alpaca wool but many breeders have begun to improve the fiber of their llamas with a newer technique at handling their genetics.

(Libby huffs tiredly. Hurried footsteps are heard and they look to see Sheen before them. Excitable with, um, excitement.)

Sheen: Hey Libby! All set?

Libby (relieved): I sure am.

(Libby slides off the bench. Carl gets to his feet as well.)

Sheen: Cool! Hope you like awesomeness 'cause that's what I have planned for tonight! First we'll consume a ton of sugary goodness at the Candy Bar, then its off to the movies to see a double feature of explosions and wooden acting. Our sugar high will coincide well with each act so we may yell and whoop during the gun battles, and make suggestive noises during the gratuitous make out scenes!

Carl (yay!): Wow, that sounds great! We should get moving!

(Libby and Sheen exchange questioning glances.)

Libby: Um..

Sheen (frowning): What are you talking about?

Carl (not getting it): It sure sounds like it will be a very productive day!

Libby: Um, Carl...

Sheen (a tad miffed): Hey man, no one asked you to come with us! Three's a crowd y'know!

(Libby slaps threateningly at Sheen's shoulder.)

Libby: Sheen! You don't have to be rude about it! (She looks to Carl.) Listen Carl, we had this day planned just for the two of us. You understand what I'm saying, don't you?

(Carl cocks his head in confusion. Realization comes to him quickly.)

Carl (disheartened): Oh, I get it.

Libby (compromising): We can all do something cool together another time. I'm sure there's another crazy adventure just around the bends for Jimmy to get us into.

Sheen (wistfully): Ah yes, more good times are sure to come.

(Sheen and Libby clasp each other's hands and proceed to exit. Libby gives a wave to Carl.)

Libby: See you later Carl.

Sheen: Preferably not until tomorrow that is.

(Sheen and Libby walk out of sight. Carl looks pretty dejected as he walks off in the other direction.)

(CUT To INT Shot - Jimmy's Lab. We see a headshot of Jimmy looking very serious and focused. We see his big screen flashes on to show Carl is at the front steps of his clubhouse behind him.)

Carl: Hey Jimmy! You in there?

Jimmy (not turning his head): Sorry Carl, I'm in the middle of something.

Carl: Oh, well, can you still let me in? I promise I won't touch anything.

Jimmy: I'm in a bit of an anti-social mood, I'm really focused on some important matters, I'm not up for hearing babble about llamas or what inhalers are in fashion this season.

Carl (hurt): Hey! I wasn't going to talk about that stuff! You shouldn't make assumptions.

Jimmy: I'm right though, aren't I?

Carl (sad truth in his voice): Yeah, pretty much.

Jimmy (dryly): Another gold star for me.

Carl (in low disappointment): Well.. I guess I'll see you at school on Monday, or something.

Jimmy: I think that would be for the best.

(Carl saddens, he walks away in slow gloomy speed. The big screen blips to black. Jimmy turns his head to see that it is off. He smiles impishly as the camera ZOOMS out to show what he is doing. He is partaking in a game of six card cribbage with Cindy. Goddard curiously watches the chummy behavior near by.)

Jimmy: Heh, speak of the devil.

Cindy (she smiles): You were saying? (she shows her cards and moves her peg) Fourteen.

Jimmy: Okay, Carl had this sleepover planned sometime last week. (He shows his own cards and moves his peg.) Ten. (He grabs the four remaining cards for the crib.) Sure, sounds innocent enough. I'm not one to judge. (He makes eye contact with her.) But putting up flyers for it around the whole town?

Cindy (in unbelieving humor): No way! He didn't!

Jimmy: I kid you not. (He looks at the four cards.) Two. (He moves his peg.) From what I've heard, it didn't work out. He complained that all his flyers were covered up with pamphlets advertising for Yoga classes - so no one came.

Cindy: That just sounds creepy! Who indiscriminately invites total strangers to sleepovers?

Jimmy (smiling): Carl Weezer apparently.

Cindy (she smiles as well): Apparently!

(They laugh together in good humor. Merrily continuing their card game.)

(CUT TO INT Shot - Inside Carl's home. The living room. Carl watches his father read a number of vacation pamphlets spread out on the couch.)

Mr. Weezer: Wow, who knew Retroville is going to have another Medication Rodeo this year! I'm definitely going to sign up for one of the control groups. Hope I won't get stuck in the placebo category like last time; I could tell they were giving me sugar pills just by the change in my face and the horrid inflaming pain in my kidnies, y'know.

Carl (entreatingly): Dad, can't we go on a real vacation this year? Somewhere that doesn't involve being a guinea pig for medical corporations? What about that llama retreat they're having out in the country?

Mr Weezer: Now, son. Places like that are usually full of shady lurkers and countless bacterium. It's best just to stick to what we are familiar with.

Carl (exasperated): That's the same excuse you used when we wanted to go to Canada!

Mr. Weezer (semi-caught off guard): Oh, well, this time it's actually true.

Carl (exasperated): What kind of thing is that to say to your own kid?

Mr. Weezer: We only want what's best for you Carl. (His voice brightens.) Besides, its okay to lie to little kids in order to convey authority!

(Carl gapes at his father's casual admission. Mr. Weezer continues to leaf through the pamphlets.)

Carl (in angry emotion): Oh that did it. My trust in everything has now been shattered. I'm going to become a sullen youth and start smoking and cutting myself!

(Carl walks toward the front door, a hurt glare upon him. His father seems unconvinced.)

Mr. Weezer (he laughs lightly): Oh-ho, like I haven't heard that song and dance before, young man! Just be home in time for dinner.

(Carl exits. Slamming the door with full volume.)

Mr. Weezer (he sighs): Drama king.

(CUT To EXT Shot - Carl is walking toward the playground of the vacant Lindbergh School Yard. Hurt sadness marks his face.)

Carl: First my friends don't want to hang out with me, then my family admits to telling lies. Am I that difficult to be with? Does my existence repulse them so?

Unseen Deep Male Voice: Oh indeed, one's own happiness is like poison on the tongues of the masses! I have first hand experience on such a subject.

(Carl flinches as the voice startles him. He looks up to see a familiar person, from a past adventure he had with Jimmy, perched comfortably on the monkey bars. It is Dr. Sydney Moist, from the episode The Evil Beneath.)

Carl (he gasps & points at him): A villain!

Dr. Moist: It's not nice to point, lad.

Carl: I know you! You're that crazy guy who had a secret lab at the bottom of the ocean and tried to turn us all into algaemen!

Dr. Moist (flattered): Yes I did! And I must say I appreciate that you remembered my past acts of greatness.

Carl: What are you doing here? (He places his closed fists on his hips.) Finding a new place to set up your laboratory to plot new revenge?

Dr. Moist (all casual): Not likely, the ocean will always be home to me. It's the only environment where I can calculate my plans peacefully. I came ashore to get some supplies in order to rebuild my lab to its original glory. (His voice lowers with viciousness.) How it was before you meddling urchins ruined it. You realize that I'm still scrapping algae from off of my ceilings?

Carl: Yeah, well, you better think twice before trying to get revenge on Jimmy. He knows how to handle villains like you.

(Dr. Moist leaps off the monkey bars landing gracefully in front of Carl. Carl flinches nervously from him.)

Dr. Moist: Don't think I didn't hear your bitterly brief soliloquy. What do you care what happens to him, let alone the others that have mocked you? You said so yourself that your presence repulses them.

Carl: Well, I-

Dr Moist (in creepy understanding): I understand your grief, dear boy. I too was mocked for being who I am; my hobbies, my scientific work, my way of life, my skilled tapdancing.

(Dr. Moist explodes into a speedy dance number, beatboxing to the corresponding beats his tap shoes make as he dances away. Carl muses quietly at Dr. Moists remark.)

Carl: Now that you mention it, they always seemed detached whenever I try to discuss my interests to them.

Dr. Moist (he stops dancing): Friendship can be unprofitable if you allow it to be. Villainy may seem frightening but the work you complete shows the masses of what potential you truly possess. That's when people finally stop to look and listen.

Carl (he adjusts his glasses): So.. in order for people to start respecting me again, I should become some kind of villain? Is that what you're saying?

Dr. Moist (joyfully): Why, what a fine idea that is! I have always wanted an apprentice, I'd be glad to get you started if you wish.

Carl (semi-hesitant): I..I guess I could give it a try.

Dr. Moist: Excellent!

(Dr. Moist offers a hand to Carl. Carl takes it reluctantly and the two shake on it.)

Dr. Moist: I expect to see you at early sunrise at this very location, for there is much chicanery to discuss. (His voice heightens to a shout as he releases Carl's hand.) And, Black Bottom!

(Dr. Moist begins to dance away, beatboxing to the beats with great enthusiasm. Carl can only stare at this unexpected performance.)

Carl (weirded out): I don't have to bring dance shoes, do I?

(CUT To EXT Shot - Next Morning. A neat sunrise peaks out over Lindbergh school. An unseen crow caws out loudly. The camera PANS down to see Carl looking toward the school. A serious expression on his face.)

Carl: This day will be marked with change, it will be the beginning of a new way of life. For today I will cause much evil to the world. I will doodle crude drawings in library books, I will return old VHS movies without rewinding them and not pay the late fees, I will take more than one newspaper from the machine, and perhaps make obscene gestures to people of authority. (His voice heightens.) And most evil of all-

(The camera moves to get a head shot of Carl, eyes narrowed and solemn determination portray his features.)

Carl: I will procrastinate!

(Carl suddenly takes off running. Opposite of his destination to meet Dr. Moist. The squeak of his shoes can still be heard in the distance.)

(CUT To EXT Shot - Lindbergh School's Playground where Dr. Moist stands. Tired anger upon his face. He looks about in impatient frustration before kicking a pebble away from him. He snaps to attention as he sees Carl walking toward him.)

Carl (happy!): Hi there Dr. Moist, I'm here!

Dr. Moist (ticked off): Where the hell have you been? (Carl's eyes widen at the use of that certain four letter word.) I've been waiting here for hours, what took you so long to get here?

Carl: I wanted to get a good start to my villainy so I figured what could be better than heedless procrastination. First I did a Dine-and-Dash at that seedy diner and took all of their plastic forks and moist towelettes, then I went to a place that sells a bunch of magazines and read them all without buying any!

Dr. Moist (he relaxes): Hmm, if you used all that time to do such evil tasks then I guess I have no reason to be curt with you.

Carl: What do you have planned for the day, teacher?

Dr. Moist (his tone warms up quickly): Ah, how I always longed to be called that. I've been called Madman and Bedlum Bringer but never Teacher. Let's begin this day with a villainous task so you may fit into your own individual character of evil! (He regards Carl.) Anything that is particularly evil you wish to do?

Carl (he ponders this): I guess there is one thing.

(CUT TO INT Shot - A young army private bursts into an office. Eyes darting back in forth as he speaks in a worried manner.)

Army Private: General! Didn't you get the message?

(The camera CUTS to a WIDE shot out to show who he is speaking to; General Ambercrombie. He is standing near a tidy desk looking intently at a Where's Waldo? book. He gives the private a dirty look.)

General Ambercrombie: God almighty, private! Can't you see that I'm busy here? (He goes back to looking at the book, growing anger in his voice.) Where're you hiding, boy? Why don't you come out and face me? Do you take pleasure in making me suffer? You do don't you? "Ooh, look at that stupid General Ambercrombie, can't even find one person." Is that what you're thinking you four eyed son of a-

Private (pleading): Sir! We just got word that our base has been infiltrated!

(Ambercrombie looks up in shock to the private. He tosses the book onto the desk.)

General Ambercrombie: What? How could that be without the alarms going off?

Army Private: I'm not sure. But I think you should at least view the damage that was inflicted on the airfield.

(Ambercrombie turns and walks toward a window, shielded by some blinds.)

General Ambercrombie: Damn! We just paved new asphalt on the runways too!

(Ambercrombie grabs the drawstring to lift the blinds up. He gapes with mortified shock.)

General Ambercrombie: Great googily moogily!

(The runways are covered with various graffiti done with dark red paint. ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS BRING PLEASURE, AMBERCROMBIE LIKES TO SIFT THROUGH CAT BOXES, TO FIND BURIED TREASURE. Along with some poor drawings of Ambercrombie making a stupid face with speech balloons above it stating "DUH! I SUCK!" and "THE N-MEN KICKED MY BUTT 'CUZ I'M LAME!". We also notice some large doodles of llamas around the insulting material.)

General Ambercrombie: I want clean up crew on that mess! If the navy guys show up and see this, it'll be high school all over again! (He turns his head quickly to the private.) NOW!

(CUT To EXT Shot - Inside RetroLand Park. Sheen and Libby are standing by an Out Of Service Concession stand. Other park visitors walk or skip by as laughter and screams are heard from the crowds enjoying the fun.)

Sheen: I explained to her that I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.

Libby (confused): Uh, what?

Sheen: Heh, ever wonder why we know mathematics as a violent subject? (He pauses.) Cause we often hear of mean values, cross products and warring fractions!

(Libby looks at him quizzically as Sheen grins his manic grin.)

Sheen: Hey, you know what's interesting? A biped has two legs, while a quadruped has four legs, so then a pi-ped has three point one-four-one-five-nine-seven-nine-three-two..

(Sheen continues his list of numbers. Libby rolls her eyes and turns her head.)

Libby: God..

Sheen: Six-four-three-three-eight-three-two-seven-zero..

(The camera ZOOMS out to a WIDE shot to show Jimmy and Cindy watching the both of them. Libby notices their presence and points an accusing finger at Jimmy. Sheen still babbling away with numbers.)

Libby: Okay, he's not the type to be talkin' obscure math humor. You paid him to do say that, didn't you?

Jimmy (he stifles a chuckle): Yeah, it wasn't even much anyway. It was totally worth it.

Libby: Isn't that the kind of thing you would try to get Carl to do? (She pauses.) By the way, where is he? He seemed pretty down the other day, I figured he'd be here with us.

Sheen: Five-nine-zero-two-zero-eight-one-six-three...

Jimmy (he shrugs): He wasn't home this morning. I don't have a clue where he is.

Cindy (she scoffs): Ah, who cares. Just enjoy the reality we have with one less moron obstructing our day. (She grabs Jimmy's hand. Her tone lightening.) Come on! I bet I can beat you at Skee-Ball!

Jimmy: Ha! I'd like to see you try!

Cindy (she gives a challenging smile): Care to make a wager?

Jimmy (he narrows his eyes): I'm game if you are!

(They walk off hand in hand, ready to partake in crazy fun. Libby turns to glare at Sheen as he still belts out numbers.)

Sheen: Four-seven-one-zero-eight-nine-two-six-one-five-four-nine-three..

Libby (in great annoyance): Okay, you better stop doing that.

(CUT To EXT Shot - A ferry is floating calmly on a river. The camera ZOOMS into it as we notice a bunch of uneasy looking passengers aboard. The familiar voice of Carl Weezer is heard broadcasting through a number of unseen speakers.)

Carl's voice: Attention weak minded simpletons! I have hijacked this ferry purely for my own entertainment, your uneasy fear of what I may do to you amuses me greatly!

(The camera PANS above to show Carl at the deck above the passengers. A corded radio-mic in his hand as he still speaks into it. Dr. Moist watches from a few feet away in a studying manner.)

Carl (with malice): "What will he do?" "What are his demands?" These are probably the questions ringing throughout your heads. I will give you no answers, I only wish to watch you in your little lost ways. (He walks closer to the edge of the deck to look down at the passengers) Yes, that's right! Crawl about on the lower deck like the ants that you are!

Dr. Moist (he steps forward to stand beside him): Wonderful work apprentice! (He looks down at the people; sneering maliciously.) How lost they appear to be indeed!

Carl: Thanks. (His voice lowers with worry as he looks down at the passengers.) I just hope I didn't scare them too badly.

Dr. Moist (he smirks): You shouldn't worry about their concerns. Villains don't give a lick about the comforts of their hostages.

Carl (still hesitant): I don't know, maybe I won't deviate from the usual course after all. I mean, some people need to get to work so they can take care of their families y'know.

Dr. Moist (he snarls): You can't be serious! You were doing so well!

(Carl clicks on the radio-mic to speak into it.)

Carl (his tone friendly): Attention passengers. We are now nearing Drop Point B, once we come to a full stop it would be appreciated that you exit the vessel in an orderly manner.

Dr. Moist (he crosses his arms with ire): This is not an example of villainy! Not at all!

Carl (adding quickly to the mic): Like the ants that you are.

(Carl gives a sheepish smile to Dr. Moist, who only scoffs quietly as he shakes his head.)

(CUT To EXT Shot - The ferry has docked. We notice Carl and Dr. Moist walking away from it toward a row of "Rent-It" lockers set up nearby.)

Carl: I'm sorry, teacher. I guess I'm not cut out to be a villain after all.

Dr. Moist (his tone somewhat forgiving): Now, now my good boy. Rome wasn't built in a day, I sense great ambition within you. It just needs some help to allow it to crawl out from its hole.

(They stop by a particular locker. Dr. Moist removes a key from his pocket and unlocks the lock affixed to it.)

Carl: How would that be done?

(Dr. Moist opens the locker door to take out a small briefcase. He opens it to show a number of syringe needles and vials of clear liquid inside. Carl looks at the contents uneasily.)

Dr. Moist: With a useful tool of course.

(Dr. Moist takes a syringe and one of the bottles from the briefcase. He removes the top from the vial and sticks the syringe into it to fill it up. Carl stares at this with frightened silence.)

Dr. Moist: Only a few hundred people and a certain breed of porpoise carry a rare gland in their brains. It is known as the Antagothalamus, a gland that seems to make people more evil than the regular populace. That amazing little collection of nerves secretes a chemical dubbed as Malpetal serum, which has been carefully harvested by myself during my studies of evil porpoises.

Carl (his voice cracking): I don't think I like this storyline anymore.

(Dr. Moist taps the syringe and presses the plunger to allow some of the liquid to jet out to remove any air bubbles that may still be inside.)

Dr. Moist: People administered with weekly shots of Malpetal serum complete ninety percent more acts of villainy, it's a very reliable treatment for those lacking in the ways of evil.

Carl (he looks at the needle with dread): Ah, I think I'll pass, I don't want to become a villain anymore.

Dr. Moist (mockingly): Oh? Back to the mundane existence of being taunted and mocked by the adversaries you dub as your friends? One shot of Malpetal serum will give you the confidence and skill you need to let them realize of what excellence you're meant to achieve.

Carl (in a whiny tone): I'm not sure..

Dr. Moist: Require more arm twisting don't you? Very well. (He pauses. His voice more friendly) You like llamas, don't you dear Carl?

Carl (brightening): Yeah!

Dr. Moist: You don't want to make any llamas sad would you?

Carl: Of course not.

Dr. Moist: 'Cause that would make you sad if they were sad, am I right?

Carl: Well sure.

Dr. Moist: Here's the thing, in order to prevent a number of llamas suffering from an unexpected bout of rigor mortis you need to take at least one shot of Malpetal serum in order to save them from an unfortunate fate.

Carl (unsettled): Oh.. Are you sure about that?

Dr. Moist (his other hand placed over his heart): I supply only truth, dear boy.

Carl: Oh. (He pauses as he thinks it over.) Well, if its only one shot. I guess I'll do it.

Dr. Moist (he smiles, his voice low.): There's a good lad.

(He steps toward Carl. Raising the hand wielding the Syringe needle.)

Dr. Moist: Just pull up your sleeve now.

(CUT To EXT Shot - A calm street in the neighborhood. Carl is loitering near a tree, now sporting hair that's dyed jet black and a black suit with matching black pants and shining black shoes. A defiant and sullen look upon him. He gazes boredly into the space before him. Sheen walks into view, he turns his head as he notices him.)

Sheen: Oh! Hey Carl! How's it goin'?

(Carl glances at Sheen with a complete lack of interest before resuming his stare into space as Sheen approaches him.)

Sheen: I didn't see you at school yesterday. Where have you been, man?

Carl (bitterly): I, unlike other halfwits, had better things to entertain my mind with besides the fossil teachings of monotony.

Sheen (he snickers): Heh, you faked being sick so you could watch TV right? That's always fun!

Carl (he gives an apathetic shrug): Think what you like.

Sheen (he studies his friend): Hey, there's something different about you, isn't there? You got some spiffy suit on and your hair's all black. It's like you're evil or something. (He snaps his fingers at discovering such a fact. Manic giddiness in his voice.) That's it, isn't it? You're supposed to be evil, aren't you?

Carl (tauntingly calm): Evil? No, no, of course not. Why just recently I helped Nissa get her kite out from a tree.

(The background darkens menacingly as the camera ZOOMS in to get a headshot of Carl. His eyes narrowed and face contorted into a malicious sneer.)

Carl: And into a furnace!

(The camera ZOOMS out to show a confused Sheen viewing his friend with bewilderment.)

Sheen (wha..?): Huh? Into a what now? A furnace?

Carl (tauntingly calm again): Ah, no, I meant ah, a furnished bungalow for kites; which I acquired with entirely legitimate funds that were not stolen at all.

Sheen (relieved): Oh, okay.

(Carl smiles mockingly at Sheen. A soft beeping is heard. Carl removes a pager from his pocket as Sheen stares at him with unsettled suspicion.)

Carl (sardonically): As fascinating your company is to me, Sheen, I have to excuse myself for more pressing matters. (He returns the pager to his pocket.) Of the evil variety quite possibly.

(Carl walks off as Sheen stares after him with creeped out worry.)

Sheen: Wow, look's like he's a new candidate for another definition for 'creepy' in the dictionary.

(CUT To EXT Shot - A dark alley. Dr. Moist is hidden in the weak shadows, reading a newspaper.  
Carl approaches him with mild curiosity.)

Carl: You wished to see me teacher?

Dr. Moist (he looks to him): Ah, I appreciate your promptness! I have a new mission for you.

(Dr. Moist shows Carl an article in the newspaper: OIL TANKER POSES THREAT TO SPECIES LOCATED NEAR INFAMOUS BAHAMA QUADRANGLE - DEPARTURE, ASSURED TO BE DONE SAFELY, TAKES PLACE TOMORROW.)

Dr. Moist: This oil tanker will be heading into the area that my lab is located. It's a threat to unveil my location, no doubt they will cause a disturbance and possible pollution to the species I'm currently studying. Removing such an environmentally harmful source is absolutely necessary.

Carl (in confident malice): "Removing" eh? Now that's something I can understand!

(CUT To EXT Shot - A sinking oil tanker, smoldering in many areas. A huge expanding blackness is seen surrounding it as it leaks oil in insane speed. A nearby lifeboat floats by, carrying the remainder of the crew from the tanker. The camera ZOOMS out to show Carl watching this from a distance on a hill.)

Carl (in joyful violence): Take that you big filthy, polluting oil tanker!

(The camera PANS to another hill nearby. Dr. Moist watches the chaos his student has caused, an impressed grin marked on his face.)

Dr. Moist: Oh what marvelous beauty my chrysalis of evil has evolved to! Fly upon your wings of black evil, my order hating student!

(Dr. Moist explodes into maniacal laughter. A part of the oil tanker blows up into more flames as it sinks deeper into the water.)

Dr. Moist: Charleston!

(Dr. Moist tapdances away as what's left of the tanker belches out more oil into the ocean.)

(CUT To INT Shot - Inside the Candy Bar. Carl is sitting in a booth reading a magazine titled EVIL MACHINATIONS. Butch and Nick pass by. They stop to stare at Carl's new attire.)

Nick: Dude, is that Weezer?

Butch: The wuss? Looks like him, sort of.

Nick (he calls out): Hey Weezer! That you? What's with the get up?

Carl (looking up from his reading): Is it really any of your concern, what with you being unimportant minor characters?

(The boys approach him; insulted by Carl's rude response.)

Butch: What's the deal with you anyway? You haven't been to school for the past two days, what have you all been doing lately? (His tone becomes mocking.) Playing with your stuffed llamas or getting your diapers changed?

Carl (in a bored tone): Well, a mad super villain recently talked me into doing some eco-terrorism, so, yeah, nothing that exciting really I guess.

(Butch gawps at the unexpected reply. Nick gives a defiant sniff.)

Nick: Terrorizing the environment? You should talk to Neutron about that, doesn't he do that all the time? Like how he brought on a second ice age and nearly made an evil copy of the world?

Carl (he scoffs): Morons. I don't mean terrorizing the environment. Terrorizing people so they quit messing with the environment. (He smiles vainly.) You know that tanker that was blown up the other day? Did you see it? I did that.

Butch (shocked): What? You?

Nick (unbelieving): No way.

Carl (apathetic): Hey, think what you want to think my friends. I'm only happy that I decided to pursue a new life of indulging in wanton villainy, so your thoughts regarding myself don't matter. (A beeping sound erupts, obviously Carl's pager signaling a message from Dr. Moist.)

Carl: Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get to an appointment. I'm close to figuring out how to construct a strain of bacteria that turns blood into burning acid. It's got many useful applications, you see: In killing people.

(Carl gets up from his seat to leave Nick and Butch to stew in some awkward silence.)

Nick (?): Dude, what just happened here?

Butch: Probably some wacky plot device no doubt. They always come up in the strangest of places.

Nick (he muses): Maybe Weezer has a point about that whole eco-terrorism thing. We only have one planet to live on. If we got people to stop being so wasteful, then the Earth has a chance.

Butch (intrigued): Hey, yeah, not only do you fight for a good cause it gives you an excuse to smash things and stuff.

Nick: If that one act of rebellion made Weezer into a well dressed misfit, think of what it will do to our popularity! I think we should get started right away.

(CUT To a Camera Shot of a parked car. A hand wielding a large screwdriver jabs into one of the tires. The camera ZOOMS out to show Nick is the culprit. A loud hiss erupts as air escapes the mutilated tire.)

Nick (in loud victory): Take that, car! Your polluting days are over!

(Nick slashes the remaining tires with the screwdriver. A loud crash is heard. Nick turns his head to see Butch kicking a ruined air conditioner on the pavement.)

Butch: Ha! This is one less air conditioning unit that will emit no good freons, and waste electricity - clearly nature's most precious resource!

Nick (he gives a thumbs up to Butch): Great job man!

Cindy (off camera): What in the world are you guys doing?

(Nick and Butch look up to see Jimmy, Cindy, Sheen and Libby approaching them with puzzled unease.)

Butch (threateningly): Hey! This is our street! Go do your own acts of eco-terrorism some place else!

Jimmy (sarcasm!): Eco-terrorism? Oh I can't wait to hear the reason behind this sudden interest in such banal animosity.

Nick (he crosses his arms): Yeah, its the latest rage, Weezer got us into it. If doing this kind of stuff made him cool, then it'll obviously increase my own cool factor to unreachable levels!

Jimmy (huh?): What?

Libby (ditto): Carl?

Sheen (semi-hurt): Sheesh, some friend Carl is. Not even letting us in on these intriguing acts of vandalism.

Jimmy (perplexed): What are you talking about?

Sheen (in casual boredom): Ah, he's become even more of a wet blanket ever since he dyed his hair black and admitted to committing acts of evil.

Cindy: What? When was this?

Sheen: Just the other day, he was talking about burning little kids kites or something. It was kind of creepy.

Cindy (she gives him a glare): And you thought it wasn't important enough to mention this to us?

(Sheen gives a "meh" type shrug.)

Nick: Heh, it obviously ain't acting. He was the one who blew up that oil tanker yesterday.

Jimmy (in horrified confusion): What?

Cindy (disbelieving): Carl? Blowing up oil tankers? I find that to be very unlikely.

Libby: Yeah, this is obviously some weird joke.

Sheen: Hmm.. It does at least explain why he hasn't been at school lately.

(Arnie then enters the scene, he puts a friendly hand on Nick's shoulders.)

Arnie: Hey Nick, wanna go drain some coastal wetlands for no reason whatsoever?

(Nick brushes off Arnie's hand in angry disgust.)

Nick (furious): NO! Your carelessness and all consuming ways toward the planet is disgusting!

Arnie (he balks): Woa, geez, I was just kidding! You know that's my polite way of saying, "Let's Feed The Ducks", but if you're going to act all crazy then I'll find someone else.

Butch (to Nick): Don't listen to his lies, man. He hates the Earth!

Nick (darting an accusing finger at Arnie): Earth hater!

(Jimmy and co. can only stare at this fantastically unfunny scene.)

Libby: Okay, who thinks its time for a new scene, 'cause this horrible attempt at being humorous is getting nowhere fast.

(Jimmy and co. all raise their hands in agreement. They then look at the camera patiently.)

(CUT To INT Shot - Ms. Fowl's classroom. All the brats are taking their seats for morning classes. A few students dawdle by talking with each other.)

Ms. Fowl: Come now everyone. To your seats so we can begin our day of learning!

(Everyone takes a seat. The door then opens to reveal Carl Weezer, still clad in his villain uniform, carrying a large duffel bag with him. The other kids look at him with beguiled trepidation. Ms. Fowl watches as he takes his seat.)

Ms. Fowl: Oh, good to see you back Carl. I take your illness has passed.

Carl: If by illness you mean my total hatred to this educational establishment; then yes, albeit only temporary, though.

(Nervous silence fills the room. Jimmy and Cindy exchange worried glances. Ms. Fowl blinks with apprehension.)

Ms. Fowl (trying to sound casual): Ah, well, I'm sorry to hear that.

(She clears her throat as she walks toward the blackboard. Grasping a piece of chalk to write with.)

Ms. Fowl: Now, continuing from yesterday's lesson, binomials are not that scary once you get to know them. Now, if an expression consists of two terms, then it is known to be a binomial expression. X plus seven is known as a binomial expression.

(Ms. Fowl tries to write out X + 7 but the hand wielding the chalk begins to shake madly. The chalk slips from her hand and clatters to the floor. The tremor increases as she notices her other hand jitter as well.)

Ms. Fowl (fretfully): What in heaven's name is this?

(The camera PANS to the class. Libby looks at her hands and sees that they are quaking away as well.)

Libby: Is anyone else's hands shaking and going numb as well? Or am I suddenly an epileptic?

(A loud thump is heard. Jimmy has dropped his math book due to his own tremoring hands.)

Jimmy: I don't think you're alone in this.

(Sheen stares at his own shaking hands with freaked out horror. Other kids begin to murmur with fearful chatter as they witness the unstoppable trembling in each other.)

Sheen (frantically): It's like I'm possessed!

(The camera PANS to Carl, who is the only one unaffected by this outbreak of hand tremors, a pen and clipboard in his hands as he turns in his seat to face the class.)

Carl (curiously): Ah, good, why don't you all give me the exact details of your symptoms?

(Carl gets up from his desk to approach Jimmy. Revealing a large cylinder gas tank marked DEBILITATING NERVE GAS-PROTOTYPE 0 that is next to Carl's desk. The opened nozzle at the top of it releases a hissing jet of gas.)

Carl: Don't leave out a single detail, now.

Jimmy (pointing at the visible tank of gas): Hey!

Carl (casually): What?

Sheen (miffed): Carl! What's up with you?

Cindy (totally ticked): How did you, of all people, acquire nerve gas? What the heck is wrong with you?

Carl (impatiently): Hey, I've got to see how it works, don't I? What better place to test it out then in a school? Plenty of test subjects to allow for all possible reactions. (He pushes his glasses up with an index finger.) Now describe your symptoms, please!

(Ms. Fowl approaches her desk, still quaking from the effects of the nerve gas.)

Ms. Fowl (after a pained cawing noise): This is unacceptable school behavior!

(The camera CUTS to a shot of Ms. Fowl pawing a trembling hand to open the drawer to press a a red button marked IN CASE OF CRAZY PLOT DEVICES - PRESS TO SOUND ALARM. A trilling alarm fills the whole school.)

Ms. Fowl (yelling): Everyone outside! Now!

(CUT to a shot of Lindbergh School. Swarms of kids and teachers are out amongst each other. Chatting worriedly of the events that just took place. Jimmy and the gang, minus Carl, are discussing near the playground.)

Cindy: Well, we got our proof. Guess we can all agree that Carl's now become some dangerous psychopath.

Sheen: Yeah, spraying nerve gas in the school just to see what it does? That's just whack!

Jimmy: I don't know what could have brought all of this on. Something must have happened to him to cause such a total change in character. (He frowns.) But what?

Libby: Well, we haven't been really nice to him lately.

Cindy (angrily): Oh please! If it's for that reason, than that's quite possibly the most pathetic excuse to start dabbling in sadistic super-villainy.

Dr. Moist (off camera): Seems like a fine reason to me, young lady.

(The kids turn around to see Dr. Moist before them, arms crossed and a casual look upon him.)

Jimmy (shocked): Dr. Moist!

Dr. Moist (his lip curls in a mocking smile): Hello Jimmy. It's been awhile hasn't it? You look well.

(Cindy and Libby can only stare at Dr. Moist. What with this being their first encounter with him.  
Libby looks to Sheen.)

Libby: Who is this guy?

Sheen (he waves a hand airily): Ah, just another one of Jimmy's abundant villains that hate him passionately. He tried to turn us into algae zombies when we found his underwater lab.

Libby: I'm starting to think its a good thing that I don't accompany you guys on all of your twisted adventures. Keeping track of all these crazy people is frustrating.

(Jimmy steps bravely toward Dr. Moist.)

Jimmy: It's all clear now! You're obviously the one responsible for the sudden change in behavior of my best friend!

Dr. Moist (he smirks): So what if I am?

Jimmy (demanding): What twisted thing have you done to change Carl so erratically?

Dr. Moist: Nothing twisted was done. The boy needed help and I offered it to him; clearly he is more content with this new way of living. Leaving the cradle of good judgment for the true rhapsody that is the chaotic. With him as my loyal apprentice, I will be able to crush all of my enemies. (His face darkens to a sneer as he glares at the kids.) All of you included.

Cindy (flustered): What? But we just met you! What do you have against us?

Dr. Moist: Your present acquaintance with the boy genius is reason enough for me to pursue your downfall.

Cindy (sarcastically): Oh of course, that's a totally plausible reason. How silly of me.

Dr. Moist (he sneers at Jimmy again): Feeling lost now, dear Jimmy?

Jimmy (defiant): I'm not intimidated by you, I'll defeat you as easily before, Moist! My past victories with villains is proof enough!

Dr. Moist: Ha! Just try and give it your best shot! It'll be great entertainment to see your destruction by the hand of your once good friend!

(A loud impatient car horn is heard from the distance. Dr. Moist cocks his ear to the sound.)

Carl (off camera & sounding impatient): Hey teacher! Let's get moving! I wanna do something else that causes suffering to my fellow man!

Dr. Moist (he leers at the kids): Duty calls, children. You can tell my apprentice is always so eager to learn. (He gives a wave.) Ta'.

(Dr. Moist turns to leave. Jimmy scowls as he watches him saunter away.)

Jimmy (calling out): You won't be so sure of yourself after I'm through with you, Doctor! (He regards the rest of the gang.) Everyone. To the lab!

(CUT To EXT/INT Shot. The Weezer Household. Carl's parents are blocking the door, preventing Dr. Moist from possible entry. Dr. Moist remains in a calm, patient stance.)

Dr. Moist: Why must you stay your son's course for greatness? It is his fate to become a machinator of vile schemes.

Mr. Weezer: That's ending now. Our boy has no business in hanging out with some villainous lunatic bent on chaotic corruption to the greater good.

Dr. Moist: Denial will only be temporary relief, soon you will accept that your son is meant to be a deployer of pandemonium and carnage.

Mrs. Weezer (furious): Liar! Carl's a good boy, he wouldn't harm anybody!

Dr. Moist (he sneers): Oh, how little you know, madam. The dear Carl you once knew is only a memory, his true character has been finally set free. Free to commit whatever acts of heinous nature only the greatly disturbed can imagine.

(Carl walks into view. Standing next to Dr. Moist. The Weezers stare blankly at this.)

Carl: Hey Doctor, can we go now?

Mr. Weezer (surprised): How'd you get out?

Carl (after a frustrated scoff): It's called a back door you halfwit!

Mrs. Weezer (angrily): Don't you speak to your father that way!

Carl (ignoring his mom): Can we go now, please? I wish to leave these weak people in their microwave oven world, along with their carpet covered hearts.

Dr. Moist (he nods): Lets.

Mrs. Weezer (close to tears): Oh Gawd, metaphors. Nine pounds and four ounces, now our baby is starting to say superfluous metaphors!

(Carl and Dr. Moist begin to leave. Mrs. Weezer covers her face in grief as Mr. Weezer takes a step closer toward the departing pair.)

Mr Weezer: If you leave this house young man, then don't bother coming back!

(Carl stops walking to look to his father, Dr. Moist continues onward.)

Carl: Sounds good to me, I was suffocating in that pathetic nest you call a house anyway.

Mr. Weezer (darting a finger at Carl): Adopted!

(Shocked, Mrs. Weezer smacks the back of her husband's head with a swift backhand; hard enough to knock the glasses off his face. Carl is unphased by his dad's remark as he turns to catch up with Dr. Moist.)

Carl (jeeringly): Pfft, yeah, I wish!

(Loud knocking is heard. We CUT Back to the Neutron household. Judy approaches the door. We see Mrs. Weezer is holding Hugh by the arm in, by Hugh's wincing expression, a strong death grip. She shoves Hugh at Judy with extreme anger.)

Mrs. Weezer: You better start keeping this husband of yours under control, Judy! The way he's been telling lies about my Carl is absolutely disgusting! My boy is not, and will not, be a horrible monster that lives for the thrill of other people's miseries.

(With that said, Mrs. Weezer exits. Judy eyes Hugh with a stony glare. Hugh smiles nervously as he rubs his aching arm.)

Hugh Neutron: Eh-heh, guess she's sensitive on that subject, huh?

(CUE Rotating Atom.)


	7. Oh, that Sheen!

(CUT To EXT Shot - Hugh is moping on the steps outside his house.) 

Hugh Neutron: This birthing of ideas thing is getting too complicated. I already thought of many great plots but they've been dismissed as nothing but tomfoolery. (He sighs) People are too picky in this day and age.

Sheen (loud & off camera): Why is there not an organization established to shepherd the good welfare of squirrels?

(Hugh looks across the street to see Sheen on a large wooden soapbox, holding a megaphone to his mouth. Many pedestrians appear uneasy as they try to ignore Sheen's rants.)

Sheen: It's the ignorance of everyday society that has abused those who cannot speak for themselves!

(A mailman passes by him. Sheen darts an accusing finger toward him.)

Sheen: Hey! I saw that look! It's people like you that degrade the human race into further despair!

(Libby enters the scene. She approaches Sheen with a tired and unimpressed look on her face.)

Libby: It's not even a Saturday and you're already up with a manic episode?

Sheen (he grins wildly): You know me! I'm always eager concerning the job!

(Libby sighs. Sheen glances the other way and his face falls into a panicked gape.)

Sheen: Oh my God, (He drops the megaphone as he points toward some trees.) look!

(The camera ZOOMS out to a WIDE shot to show a few pigeons pecking near the bases of the trees. We notice one is completely black. Libby looks toward them as well.)

Libby: What? They're just pigeons.

Sheen: You silly girl! (He points to the black bird.) That's Marduke, dark pigeon of chaos! His appearance can only mean that the end of the world battle royal will be at hand! (He clenches his fists in angry determination.) We must prepare for battle!

Libby (she raises an eyebrow): Where did you hear all of this?

Sheen (he settles down somewhat): Well, okay, I'm just assuming from that after seeing the fifth season finale of Ultra Lord, but I'm gonna prepare for battle anyway. I'm not taking any chances.

Libby (uninterested): Well, I am. Let me know how Armageddon turns out. I'll be at home using music to run away from reality.

(Libby exits as Sheen smiles triumphantly.)

Sheen (loud and joyful): Hooray for pointless anger!

(We CUT back to Hugh, who just witnessed this interaction, his eyes now more hopeful than ever.)

Hugh Neutron: Of course! It is so simple! The answer's right in front of me!

(Hugh removes a canister of gasoline from out of nowhere behind the steps. He splashes it all over his house with quick care. Hugh then takes a pack of matches from his back pocket. He rips one out and strikes it against the match packet to ignite it. He approaches his gas soaked home casually, the little flame flickers daintily on the match stick. He is about to lean in to drop the match when he quickly stops.)

Hugh Neutron: Or, hey! Maybe I can use a Sheen segment! He always has fun ideas!

(He blows out the match as he straightens his posture.)

Hugh Neutron (he points to the sky): Bring on the Atom!

(CUE Rotating Atom.)

(CUT To EXT Shot - Sheen is sitting outside his house, his eyes meet the camera and he smiles happily to the audience.)

Sheen: Hey there, glad you could come on over! You know I never thought of myself as any kind of role model, but over the last couple of episodes this past season I've received so many letters praising my outstanding view on living life to the fullest. Often they ask the same question: "Sheen, why are you so awesome?" (He giggles with delight.) Truly I am the greatest thing to grace the world!

(Sheen gets to his feet and makes a swift beckoning gesture to the camera as he walks away from his house.)

Sheen: Gather 'round fellow fan boys and girls! You are going to spend the whole day with me as I grant Retroville my outstanding advice and opinions. Let's start by educating people with incredibly true facts.

(CUT To INT Shot - The Neutron's driveway. Judy Neutron is about to enter her car when Sheen approaches her; all smiles naturally.)

Sheen: Mrs. Neutron! Did you know that if you keep your eyes open when you sneeze that they could pop out of your sockets?

Judy Neutron (incredulous): Really now? That seems improbable, since its known that eyelids closing is automatic to the sneezing refle-

Sheen (not listening): It's true! They could just pop out of your head, and then you'd be eyeless and blind. (He laughs.) Pretty crazy.

(Sheen walks off, happy to tell of his fact. Judy can only stare after him with an unimpressed frown.)

(CUT To Outside The Candy Bar - Tina Sue and Ike are leaving the building, each carrying a bag of bubble gum they have just purchased. Sheen walks toward them.)

Sheen: Heh, you sure you guys want to chew that delicious looking gum? Did you know that spider eggs are the main ingredient to make it? That's what makes it so soft, you know.

(Sheen skips away as Tina Sue and Ike look at their gum with revulsion.)

(CUT To Retroville Park - Sheen, now wielding a long cardboard tube, watches Nick zip by on his skateboard.)

Sheen: Hey Nick! The hair products you use are known to seep through your skin and skull and cause distortions in depth perception along with other kinds of brain damage!

(A loud "Thunk" is heard followed by a crash and girlish scream as it is clear that Nick has wiped out. Sheen's grin widens.)

Sheen: There's your proof!

(Jimmy enters the shot. He glances tiredly at his friend, who is swinging the cardboard tube about as if it were a sword.)

Jimmy: Sheen, what's this I hear about you telling bogus stories to everyone?

Sheen (correcting): True stories, Jimmy. True stories full of facts to be exact! Wanna hear one?

Jimmy: These "true stories" wouldn't happen to be urban legends, would they?

Sheen (he admires his cardboard tube): Of course not! Wanna hear a fun fact about saxophone players?

Jimmy: Not r-

Sheen: Each player saves the contents of their spit valve in a jar, and at the end of the year they chug it down with their fellow band mates. I don't know why they do it - but it's a fact.

Jimmy: That is both ludicrous and completely disgusting.

Sheen: Another thing too, when forensic investigators have parties, they randomly kill spectators so that the rookies can use proper analysis techniques to unearth the real killers. The first person to determine the murderer wins a digital toaster.

Jimmy (unsettled by his casualness): How can you say that with a straight face?

Sheen: That baby has four hundred megabytes of toasting power. What a great prize!

Jimmy (he turns to leave): I'll be going now.

Sheen: Hey Jimmy! Did you know that the very laws of physics are a lie?

(Jimmy stops dead in his tracks. He whips his head to glare at Sheen.)

Jimmy (in low rage): What did you say?

Sheen: Bumblebees prove it. According to the laws of physics they shouldn't be able to get off the ground, but they do anyway! Isn't that cool how a little bee has put all that crazy amount of bunk knowledge down the toilet?

Jimmy (settling down): That's actually a long-held myth. The bumblebee's flight is done with oscillating wings more like a helicopter than an airpla-

Sheen: Yeah, well I get my science information from the Ultra Lord show (He darts his face into Jimmy's and starts to yell.) WHERE'S YOUR PRECIOUS FACTS NOW?

(Jimmy winces at the volume and pushes Sheen away.)

Jimmy (tiredly): Oh, and I suppose you can become a PHD scientist by declaring yourself as such.

Sheen: Exactly! You saw that episode too?

(Jimmy huffs with exasperation. Sheen spins the cardboard tube like a baton before leaning on it in a semi show-offish way.)

Sheen: Oh yeah, check out this great tube I found. It was just near a driveway by some trash.

Jimmy (in mock enthusiasm): Wow.

Sheen (not getting it): That's what I said! Can you believe someone would just throw such an awesome thing away?

Jimmy (dryly): Do I believe that someone would throw garbage away? Yes. I think that is a practical-

(Sheen then swings his tube at Jimmy's head, hitting his high forehead with an audible "Fap!")

Jimmy: Dah! (His tone becomes angry.) Sheen!

(Sheen raises the tube high. His eyes wide with manic energy.)

Sheen (in loud forcefulness): Say it! Say the tube is the avenger of the weak!

(CUT Back to outside Sheen's house. Sheen is standing near his driveway with his hands in his pockets, appearing a tad dejected as he stares at his cardboard tube, now torn in half near his feet.)

Sheen: Apparently people can grow tired of stories based on real life, so I decided to move on to more important matters; like turning simple sentences into something sinister and creepy!

(CUT To EXT Shot outside of Lindbergh School playground. Butch is dribbling a basketball as Sheen pops up in front of him.)

Sheen: Hey Butch! Let's assume, just for fun, that today is your birthday.

Butch: Does this include blatant remarks of hate and abandonment from my mom?

Sheen (perplexed): Ah, no.. (His voice becomes normal.) If I were to say "Happy Birthday, Butch" that would sound normal to you, right?

Butch (he stops dribbling): I guess.

Sheen: But what if I said it like this: (Sheen's voice drops to a sinister whisper) Happy Birthday, Butch.

(Butch drops the ball in shocked fright. He bolts away from Sheen.)

Butch (screaming): The dead live!

Sheen (proudly, to the camera): The secret is whispering!

(Carl sprints toward Sheen excitedly. Waving a hand in eager joy.)

Carl: Ooh! Ooh! I saw what you did! Do it on me Sheen! Pretend I got, like, a new shirt or something!

Sheen (he snickers): Okay! I'll try! (Sheen drops his voice to the same whisper) That shirt looks good on you, Carl.

(Carl's face falls in terror.)

Carl: Woa..

Sheen (still whispering): It looks good on your body.

Carl (in quiet dread): Wow, that is scary.

Sheen (his voice returns to normal): See? Cree-py! Almost as creepy as the time I was asked to plan new TV shows for the next fall season.

(CUT to INT Shot - Sheen is with a half dozen writers in a room with a long table littered with storyboard pictures and scribbled notes.)

Sheen: Okay, I am going to write a Frasier-esque sitcom about the lives and loves of the janitors of the Roman Colliseum.

Writer Guy 1: My God! That's brilliant! I can smell the money!

Sheen: I think the main janitor should be a guy from Vermont who gets thrown back in time.

Writer Guy 2: Ooh! Maybe he can be the dude who goes on to invent cheese!

Sheen (he scoffs): That's a lame idea. He can be the guy that invents lion litter! Who do you think I am? That hack Seth McFarlene?

(CUT back to Sheen outside his house. He kicks away the broken pieces of his cardboard tube.)

Sheen: That was fun for awhile but Nickelodeon wouldn't stop harassing me for more ideas so they could market off of it as a twenty-two minute commercial rather than with original storylines and real humor. I decided to focus attention on more interesting challenges.

(Sheen clasps his hands around his back and rocks back and forth on his heels as he stares innocently at the sky as Angie and Brittany walk by.)

Sheen (loud): I certainly didn't sneak into Libby's house and eat her food again, that's for darn sure!

(The girls exchange puzzled looks as they walk off screen. Sheen looks at the camera enthusiastically.)

Sheen (in a loud whisper): Blaming others focuses suspicion on them besides myself!

(Betty Quinlan walks by, trying very hard to ignore Sheen. Sheen eyes her with intrigue.)

Sheen: Uh-oh Betty, is that crumbs on your dress I see? Have you been into Libby's house and eating her food again?

Betty (disturbed): No. I, unlike yourself, don't do creepy things like that.

Sheen (he sighs and shakes his head in mock-disappointment): I don't know, seems to me like you did.

(Betty quickens her pace, giving Sheen a nasty glare as she exits. Sheen shrugs as he looks at the camera.)

Sheen: That Betty Quinlan sure has her fair share of problems. (He shakes his head again.) Quite sad actually.

Libby (off-camera): There you are!

(Sheen looks to his right, where Libby enters the scene. She doesn't appear too happy as Sheen gives her a cheery smile.)

Sheen: Hi Libby!

Libby (no nonsense): Don't you "Hi" me, mister. How many times do I have to tell you to stop eating my food? Surely you have the ability to find your own nourishment!

Sheen (mock innocence): Who me?

Libby: Yes, you! Somebody's eaten the groceries I just bought for my sleepover for tomorrow, and whenever that happens, its always you. I can tell because all the cookies and nachos are gone, while anything that has vegetables has remained untouched.

Sheen (he laughs): Yup!

Libby (She gives him a shove): It's not funny!

Sheen (defensive): Well maybe if you invited me to your sleepover I wouldn't have done it!

Libby (no nonsense ... again): I told you before! It's a girls only party. Now, you better cut with the whole B & E thing, I got to reorganize the setup for my girlfriends, so you better keep your nose clean, you hear me?

(Sheen grins nervously and nods. Libby exits, glad her point was executed and received. Sheen suddenly gives an amused frown.)

Sheen: Feh. Being a girl must be lame. Man, I wonder what life would be like if I were a girl.

(The scene falters and ebbs into Sheen's imagination. We notice a figure walking down a street in downtown Retroville. It indeed appears to be what Sheen would appear as a female. She has a short pixie style haircut, a band-aid covers her right cheekbone, ears pierced with multiple studs, clad in an Ultra Lord baby doll style t-shirt and dark green jeans. The familiar brown eyes, manic smile and green hightops remain.)

Libby (off camera): Sheena! Over here, girl!

(Sheena blinks and grins happily. She runs toward Libby with joyful enthusiasm.)

Sheena (her voice is to the audience's imagination): Libby! It's so good to see you!

(Libby and Sheena hug amicably. Sheena's eyes widen with joy and her manic grin becomes more visible as the hug lingers. Libby releases from the embrace and smiles at Sheena.)

Libby: What's new? (She notices the bandage.) Don't tell me you got into another fight with Cindy again.

Sheena: Heh, yeah. I was making fun of how she still doesn't have the guts to admit her crush on Jimmy. (She laughs.) She's a real show when she gets ticked, that's for sure!

Libby: Heh, you got that right. That girl needs to seriously open up.

Sheena: Say Libby, would you be interested in shopping for women's fashions today? Seeing as how we are both female and what not.

Libby: That sounds like a fine idea! I see no reason why we both couldn't go out and buy some women's fashions!

Sheena: Cool! Perhaps we could stop by the toy store and partake in some action figure glory as well.

Libby (she sighs): Oh, alright. Though only for a little while so that it may not disturb our search for the latest fashions.

(They begin to depart for their shopping trip.)

Sheena (she giggles): You're the best, Libs!

(CUT To scenes of multiple shots of Libby and Sheena shopping. Sheena poses in a leather jacket, Libby shows Sheena multiple fashion watches for her opinion, Libby and Sheena purchasing a bunch of adorable shirts, Sheena marveling at a number of Ultra Lord action figures as Libby smiles and rolls her eyes, Sheena and Libby eating ice cream in a food court, the girls cooing over a magazine with movie and rock stars.)

Sheena (she points to a page): Oooh, I like his smile.

Libby (she giggles): I like that guy's hair.

(CUT To Sheena and Libby listening to headphones in a music store. Libby frowns with disgust.)

Libby: This Pussy Cat Dolls album is hideous!

Sheena: Is that the one where they strangle a bunch of ferrets in unison to suggestive lyrics?

Libby (she removes the headphones): Yeah. Ick, I don't think I can no longer enjoy creativity in any form after hearing this junk. Yet another infinite fault from the garbage that is MTV.

Sheena: I think everyone should give all horrible bands some genuine knife wounds to write about!

Libby: Nah, that'd just encourage more emo songs.

(CUT To Sheena near a street corner. Multiple shopping bags surround her. She paws through her purchases with happy curiosity. A pair of capri-styple pants, an Ultra Lord action figure, a pink t-shirt, and a pair of sky blue panties with confetti style graphics on them. She gives a manic grin as she stares at the girly underwear.)

Sheena (elated): Shopping accomplished!

Carl (off camera): Hey Sheena.

(Carl approaches. Sheena notices his presence and quickly tosses the panties in the bag. She smiles nervously at him.)

Sheena: Oh, hey Carl.

Carl (noting the multiple shopping bags): Wow! You must have done a lot of shopping today. I bet you don't have anything else planned for today after committing so much time to purchasing such material goods.

Sheena (curtly): No I don't. (Her tone becomes more friendly as a smile comes to her face.) Besides going out with a strapping young man such as yourself.

Carl (caught off guard): Oh! Ah, okay. There.. there is that Ultra Lord and Llama Boy crossover movie that's just opening tonight..

Sheena (she gives a happy leap in the air): Sounds marvelous!

Carl (his voice joyful): Okay! I'll meet you at the theater at eight then!

Sheena (she beams): I'll be there.

(We CUT back to Reality with Sheen. He muses with curiosity.)

Sheen: It's a good thing I keep these fantasies to myself!

(CUT to INT Shot of Hugh Neutron in the Neutron household.)

Hugh Neutron (matter-of-factly): Specifically he's glad that nobody knows he's fantasized about being of the opposite gender and dating his best friend.

(The camera ZOOMS out to show that Hugh is talking to himself. He blinks with confusion.)

Hugh Neutron: Sugar booger? (He adjusts his glasses.) Where'd she go?

(CUE Rotating Atom)


	8. Intermission: Coproduced by Gary Karr

(We CUT To an EXT. Shot of Retroville Park. Sheen is standing tall and looking quite serious. Carl and Libby are seen sitting on a nearby bench; eyeing Sheen with suspicious curiosity.) 

Sheen: So it had finally come to this! Retroville was no longer a haven of order and peace. It had become a cold city of blight and crime! Where multiple sky scrapers are everywhere and triple the amount of pointless fashion boulevards and heartless citizens. This sudden change only meant one thing.

(The camera ZOOMS in for a close up of Sheen's solemn face.)

Sheen: Alternate universe!

(Sheen then turns to his friends seated on the bench. He looks to Carl with firm sentiment.)

Sheen: Carl, in that cruel world of injustice and tension rich drama, instead of being one of my good friends you were a street wizened homicide detective named Lenny.

(A see-through image appears of Carl, clad in a gray suit and sporting emerging gray roots from his head, is pinning a seedy looking thug against a brick wall. The thug snarls and struggles weakly against him.)

Alternate Universe Carl/Lenny image: Up against the wall, perp!

(Carl and Libby exchange awkward silence at Sheen's sudden confession. Sheen then shifts his attention toward Libby.)

Sheen: Libby, you were no longer my true love, instead you were the stern and compassionate Lieutenant Van Buren of the 27th Precinct.

(Another apparition appears, Libby is dressed in a feminine business suit, holding a number of documents while talking angrily on a telephone.)

Alternate Universe Libby/Van Buren: I'm sick and tired of all of these loop holes you lawyers bring up every single day! I have the proof he killed that man without hesitation, and I intend to bring that scum to justice even if it means losing my job! Then you will see that fighting fire with fire only gives you ashes!

(The image fades away as Sheen eyes twinkle with manic glee. His serious demeanor now completely gone.)

Sheen: And I was one of those radically stereotyped informants named Geraldo Sanchez!

Jimmy (off camera and sounding fed up): Oh, please ... this is just getting ridiculous. Sheen!

(Jimmy enters, interrupting Sheen's tale of a police fantasy. Sheen blinks at the sudden appearance of Jimmy.)

Sheen (loud!): Jimmy! That reminds me, you were an uptight executive A.D.A named Jack McCoy, who-

Jimmy: Sheen, stop it. You didn't go to some alternate universe, you just watched a rerun of Law and Order and it doesn't have anything to do with the intermission we originally had planned for this sad attempt of a story from the mind of some lazy, unoriginal fanfiction writer.

Teen girl's voice (off camera and angry): Hey! If I felt like putting down this controller, I'd write you out of character!

Jimmy (ignoring the remark): Retroville isn't New York City, and none of us are involved with the criminal justice system in any matter whatsoever.

Sheen (a tad befuddled): What? (He produces a brown envelope from behind his back.) B-but what explains this motion to suppress anticipated hearsay testimony from the defense attorneys I received in the mail last week?

(CUT To a Black Background with white text displaying: EXECUTIVE PRODUCER DICK WOLF.)

Jimmy's voice (he's pretty much had enough): Oh for.. stop that!

(CUE Rotating Atom)


	9. NonCanon Nonsense

(CUT To INT Shot - Back in the Neutron living room. Hugh is sitting on the couch while looking at a laptop with a webpage uploaded onto it. It is a site called FanFicsGalore,with a number of links leading to many titles of stories. He "hmms" with thought as his eyes skim titles of multiple tales from fans.) 

Judy Neutron (voice over): No.

(The camera expands to a WIDE shot to show Judy staring down at her husband. Hands on her hips and looking deadly serious.)

Hugh Neutron: What?

Judy Neutron: You are NOT going to use any of those stories as ideas for our son's next crazy adventure, Hugh Beaumont.

Hugh Neutron (a tad snippy): So? What if I am? The writers do it all the time! They download tons of this stuff and when they find one they like they just say, "Eh, good enough." What else explains the sudden focus on certain relationships during this past season? (He points to the computer screen.) That's the reason. (He smiles happily.) Hey, that rhymes!

Judy Neutron (in angry defense): They do not! That's a terrible thing to say! The past episodes have proven that the writers are capable of making a well written show.

Hugh Neutron (mockingly): Pftt, they sure reeled you in, it's just what they want you to think.

Judy Neutron (in a warning tone): You're going to be getting another phone call from Keith if you keep that attitude up. Just because you haven't been getting the best of luck with your own attempts at creativity, doesn't give you the right to insult the staff.

Hugh Neutron (bitterly): I beg to differ, sugar booger. (He returns his attention to the laptop) Here. This one sounds okay; I'll try this one out.

Judy Neutron: But most of those stories are based on menial settings filled with plot holes; not to mention plenty of spelling and grammar mistakes.

Hugh Neutron (he waves a dismissive hand): Whenever there's a plot hole or spelling error it can just be explained as subtle irony. It'll turn out fine.

(Judy shakes her head in angry disappointment; unimpressed over her husband's childish stubbornness.)

Judy Neutron: You do realize this is a new low for you, don't you dear?

Hugh Neutron (calling out joyfully): Atom!

(CUE Rotating Atom.)

(CUT To INT Shot. Retroville Park. Jimmy is walking alone, and engaging in a curious conversation with himself.)

Jimmy: Cindy, heh, Hi, um, I was wondering if.. (He shakes his head.) No. (He ponders.) Hey Vortex! How about we do something cool together? (He frowns.) Nah. (He closes his eyes briefly as he tries to think.) Cindy, do you think you'd have some interest in wanting to go watch some stars frolic in the Magellan galaxy?

Carl (off camera): So then he started to say that Cold Play had more talent than Radiohead, when it's obvious that the only alternative rock he's ever heard is Garbage.

Libby (off camera & giggly): Cold Play better than Radiohead? That's about as likely to happen as the dead rising to play in fiddle camps.

(Jimmy looks up at the sound of his friends' voices. He notices, with much confusion, that Libby and Carl are holding hands while walking down a path.)

Carl: Okay, who would win in a fight, Sonic Youth or the Black Eyed Peas?

Libby: Ooh! That's a tough one. Sonic Youth's older albums were great, they weren't dubbed the godparents to alternative rock for nothing y'know, but their recent lack of quality and overblown opinions of themselves have weakened their current status greatly; while the Black Eyed Peas possess a positive and optimistic mood to give their beats a fun and refreshing sound. Plus, they play amazing when they're live, they totally get the audience going.

Carl: Yeah, and I bet those guys wouldn't sell out to appear in a Gap or Calvin Klein ad like Kim did.

Libby: Or start a destined to fail clothing empire. No wait, spoke to soon, Will.i.am is releasing his own clothing line.

Carl: Let's hope he'll make his stuff affordable for everyone to buy rather than charge outrageous prices for a bunch of British schoolboy knockoffs.

(Jimmy is at a loss of words for this strange conversation.)

Jimmy: What? Carl and Libby aren't known for discussing hip and witty music gossip with each other. Surely there's some unusual, but logical, explanation for this.

(He approaches both of them. Carl and Libby finally take notice and they stop walking to chat.)

Carl: Hey Jim, what's new?

Libby: Anything obscure and scientific on your schedule today?

Jimmy: Ah, Nothing much. (He pauses as he eyes their hand holding again.) So, uh, what are you guys up to today?

Libby: Oh, we're just killing time by making clever remarks about the latest bands until the music store opens so we can get a chance to buy the White Stripes and Omarion's B-Sides and Rarities albums. Also, the Decemberists and Raised By Swans will be around to sign CDs at three o'clock sharp.

Carl: Yeah! Then after that, we're gonna check out the new breed of llamas at the experimental farm at the University. This time they'll have tri-colors for sure!

Libby (she smiles to Jimmy): You can tell he's been looking forward for this for the past week, can't you?

Carl (he squeezes Libby's hand delicately): I could say the same thing concerning a certain stoic, but very hip, younglady.

Libby (affectionately): You'll never change!

Carl (dreamy): Wouldn't that be the best?

Libby: Hee! Very much!

(They laugh joyfully. Jimmy is further confused by this act of out of character affection.)

Jimmy: Wow, this is a fine example of irregularity.

(Carl and Libby look at him with great puzzlement.)

Carl: What do you mean, Jim?

Jimmy (pointing out the hand holding): Um, I think your display of endearment with Libby says it all.

Carl: But Libby and I always do stuff together when we aren't partaking in one of your weekly adventures.

Jimmy (huh?): What? No you don't! Do you have any idea of what you're saying?

Libby (tiredly): Of course we have! I think we should be the ones asking you that question. (Her voice lowers with concern.) You been keeping yourself locked up in your lab too much lately, Jimmy?

Jimmy (he looks to Libby): No. I guess I was just wondering why, um, you aren't doing that kind of thing by yourself or with Sheen.

Libby (disgusted): Geh! That Ultra Lord crazy nimrod? You know I don't enjoy being in the company of that freak, Jimmy. What is up with you?

Carl: Besides, he and Cindy are at that action figure convention downtown.

(Jimmy's eyes widen in stupefied shock.)

Jimmy (gasp!): What? Cindy and Sheen? At an action figure convention? You can't be serious!

Libby (she shrugs): Yeah, I know. I have no clue what she sees in him, but if he makes her happy, I guess I shouldn't be one to judge.

Jimmy (a smidge of jealousy): Th..this is ludicrous! Why would they be off somewhere together? They have absolutely nothing in common! (He pauses nervously.) Uh, that is, I wouldn't want Sheen to be in mortal danger of Vortex's quick temper, is what I'm saying. Not that I care that Cindy is with him alone or anything.

(Jimmy laughs nervously as Carl and Libby look at him with perplexion.)

Carl: You sure are acting weird today, Jimmy. You should start thinking of seeing some kind of doctor.

Libby: Or a therapist, maybe some of your experiments have caused distortions in your memory banks, or whatever.

Carl (to Libby): Maybe its best we leave him be.

Libby (she nods): Yeah. (She looks to Jimmy.) We'll let you have some space Jimmy. Later.

(The two begin to depart, still holding hands so amicably. Jimmy stares unblinking at the scene.)

Carl: Until then, I can serenade to you until the store opens: (He begins to sing.) Oh Yoshimi, they don't believe me! But you won't let those robots defeat me, Oh Yoshimi-!

Libby (thoughtfully): I'm impressed by your persistence, but it takes more than singing Flaming Lips lyrics to woo a lady.

Carl (sounding a tad hurt): What? Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots is totally enough to woo a lady, you don't know what you're talking about. How can you say that after it worked so well last time?

Libby (she smiles & stifles some laughter): I didn't say to stop did I?

Carl: Oh, okay. (He starts to sing again.)'Cause she knows that it'd be tragic if those evil robots win! I know she can beat them - Oh Yoshimi!

(Jimmy stares as his friends carry on down the parkway, still holding each others hands in such happy innocence while Libby leans her head on Carl's shoulder. Jimmy's puzzled look speaks for itself of this odd, random display of puppy love. He jerks his head as he remembers Carl's past statement.)

Jimmy: I've gotta find Cindy and Sheen. Fast.

(Jimmy takes off running; no doubt onward to Cindy and Sheen's present location.)

(CUT To EXT Shot - Sheen and Cindy are walking very close to each other on a downtown street. Sheen is wearing his Ultra Lord mask and Cindy is holding a paper shopping bag. She looks to him warmly.)

Cindy: Thanks again for those chocolate covered coffee beans, Sheen. Who knew such caffeine enriched treats could be so fine and delicious.

Sheen (he grins): Fine chocolates for a fine lady.

(Cindy titters and hooks an arm around Sheen's.)

Cindy: Heh, Ultra-Smooth should be added to my growing list of pet names for you.

Sheen: You know I do that kind of stuff for only one. (He glances at the bag she's carrying.) So, have you decided what costume you'll wear? Either Ultra Lady or Sinister Villainess Number Twelve?

Cindy (she grins): Depends on what you're lookin' for sailor.

Sheen (he flips his mask so it rests on the top of his head): Oh-ho! The girl has brass!

(They laugh happily together, eyes to each other as dreamy smiles cross their faces.)

Jimmy (off camera): Cindy! Sheen!

(They cease walking to turn around to see Jimmy rushing toward them. Cindy frowns with disapproval.)

Cindy: Oh great, what does that freak Neutron want?

Sheen (reassuringly): Lighten up, maybe it isn't what you think. (He turns to Jimmy. His voice suddenly loud with frustration.) Hey Jimmy, take off! Can't you see it's special time for me and Cindy, here? I mean, really!

(Jimmy skids to a stop near his friends.)

Jimmy: What? Sheen, Cindy can't stand you, what has possessed you into actually taking her out to an action figure convention?

Sheen: Woa, dude. I think you need to slow down cause all I hear is crazy coming from your mouth. Everyone knows Cindy always encourages the hobby of my unhealthy infatuation with Ultra Lord.

Jimmy: No, she doesn't! Libby does that for you, which I might add, is presently attending a CD signing for some obscure Indie bands, no one has ever head of, with Carl.

Sheen (unaffected): So?

Cindy: Yeah, they've been going out for awhile. What's the deal with you Spewtron, are you just playing dumb or are you suffering from brain hemorrhaging?

Jimmy (in demanding volume): What is with everybody today? Sheen and Libby are supposed to be together talking about action figures and the joys of music, both mass produced and low key! Cindy and I are the...! (He pauses. Reluctance crosses his face.) That is .. ah..

Cindy (totally confused): What are you trying to say Nerdtron?

Jimmy: Oh heck, fine, I'll say it. (He looks Cindy in the eye.) You and I are supposed to be together! You're competitive character and bright insights complement with my intelligent and inquisitive personality, at times it may seem we hate each other but we secretly hold a great respect for...

Cindy: Woa, woa, hold it there. I think I see what you mean here.

Jimmy (relieved): You do?

Cindy (defensively): Yeah! This is another scheme for you to bug my mom again, isn't it?

Jimmy (completely lost): What?

Sheen (to Cindy): I thought your mom put a restraining order on him.

Cindy: She did, but he still hangs around the yard when she's home from work.

Jimmy (at a total loss of words): This..this is completely absurd! Carl's the one who has an infatuated crush on my mother! How can all this be happening? It..it's as if our realities have been scrambled by some unknown power.

Sheen: Okay, Jimmy's insane babbling is starting to be as exciting as watching the ocean evaporate, let's get going before they start airing those cool seizure inducing prototype toy commercials from Japan .

(Cindy rehooks her arm around Sheen as they start to walk onward to the convention.)

Cindy: Way ahead of you. (She looks over her shoulder to Jimmy.) If you want to keep all of your vital organs Neutron, you'd better stay away from my mom!

(Cindy and Sheen disappear from sight. Jimmy can only stand there in motionless shock.)

Jimmy (he yells to the streets): This is all wrong! You hear me! It's all wrong! Doesn't anybody realize that everything that's happening is completely out of order? What unknown monstrosity has twisted the planes of normal reality with such aimless chaos?

(CUT To INT Shot - Inside The Palace Room of Yolkus. King Goobot is reading a newspaper -GOOBOT BANS EARTH PRODUCED MOVIES : "NO ONE LIKES THEM ANYWAY", STATES WAY AWESOME AND "WITH IT" DICTATOR, is the front page article- his quiet time is interrupted by Ooblar, who zips toward him with excited glee.)

Ooblar: Sire! Oh, you will never guess what I have done!

King Goobot (eyes still on the paper): I think whatever you have to say, Ooblar, it should remain unsaid indefinitely.

Ooblar (cheerful): I wrote some fanfiction!

(King Goobot cocks a tired eye at his associate. He lowers his newspaper.)

King Goobot: What?

Ooblar (bubbly): I know! It's quite interesting, if I do say so myself.

King Goobot (he sighs): Ooblar, most fanfiction has characters from television and movies acting implausibly in unlikely situations. (He pauses as he looks at him.) I take yours fits that description to a T.

Ooblar (teasingly): Perhaps! There are quite a few unexpected twists and revelations in my exciting non-canon tale of suspense.

King Goobot (annoyed): I don't see how anyone can like the idea of uneducated amateurs mangling with their beloved characters. Surely the producers and writers must be disgusted of how anyone can just tinker and manipulate with their creations with the incoherent writing experience of a grammatically deficient fourteen year old.

Ooblar: Many find it to be a great beginners course into finding their own creativity, actually.

King Goobot (dryly): Of course it does. (He returns to his paper.) So, what show is it about?

Ooblar: Oh its not based on a show, sire. It's actually about (he waves his hands in a happy gesture) -surprise!- Neutron's colleagues. Particularly Sheen/Cindy and Carl/Libby pairing.

(King Goobot lowers his paper once again. Staring at Ooblar with disturbed annoyance.)

King Goobot (in low disgust): You didn't.

Ooblar (proudly): Indeed I did, good sir! Sheen and Cindy have a grand old time at an action figure convention despite an awkward moment with Neutron. They then sneak onto the school grounds at night and toilet paper the playground, and hold hands under dreamy starlight.

King Goobot: Stop..

Ooblar: Meanwhile, Carl and Libby enjoy a day of hip music and llama watching. They end up finishing the day by going to Retro Land, when the ferris wheel they're riding on becomes stuck they reminisce of the moments they first met and appreciated past experiencesof their company, enjoying the alone time while two hundred feet in the air.

(Ooblar leans in toward King Goobot, fidgety joy in both his eyes and voice.)

Ooblar (in a loud excited whisper): They totally kiss in my story!

(King Goobot is speechless at Ooblar's declaration of such blatant absurdity. He folds his paper.)

King Goobot (in revelation): Well, I guess I know what I'm going to haggle with those Bargozians after all!

Ooblar (he claps his hands in a delighted fashion): Oh! Am I going on another trip again?

(CUT To INT Shot - Back in the Neutron living room. Hugh frowns at Ooblar's fanfic he has been reading on the laptop.)

Hugh Neutron (confused): Man, people are always kissing in fanfiction! What's up with that anyway?

(Hugh sighs as he closes the laptop swiftly. Arising from the couch to head out of the house.)

Hugh Neutron (determined): I think I need to get back to doing my own brainstorming.

(CUE Rotating Atom)


	10. Episode With Just A Middle

(CUT To INT Shot: Inside the Neutron's laundry room. Judy is folding up some clean laundry. Hugh is behind her examining a container of liquid laundry detergent.) 

Hugh Neutron (curiously): Butter biscuit, this stuff sure smells like candy. Do you think it would taste like candy?

Judy Neutron (she folds a final bed sheet): No, dear. Don't drink it.

(Judy turns to her husband. Hugh stares at her. A second ticks by and Hugh begins to lift the container to his mouth; his eyes still on Judy.)

Judy Neutron (firmly): Hugh. Put it down.

(Judy then snatches the detergent from him before he can take a sip. A little scuffle ensues as Hugh struggles to get the laundry detergent from his wife. Judy turns her back to him to prevent him from taking the container. He reaches around her trying to get at it.)

Hugh Neutron (frustrated): Sugar booger! I need to know!

(Judy turns swiftly around; her eyes blazing with annoyance.)

Judy Neutron: Fine!

(She tips the container to her own lips and takes a tiny gulp of the laundry detergent. Hugh's eyes widen in shock. Judy clenches her throat and coughs with disgust. She dry heaves a few times and shakes her head from the terrible taste, gasping occasionally from the abuse her senses took. She looks at Hugh.)

Judy Neutron (still gasping slightly): There. Now you know it doesn't taste like candy.

Hugh Neutron (he scoffs): Well, now that's your opinion.

(He takes the laundry detergent from her and examines it carefully. Judy glares at him tiredly.)

Judy Neutron: Don't you have something else to do? Why not write another one of your bogusly outlandish story ideas?

Hugh Neutron (slightly proud): Yeah, I did finish one recently, it doesn't have a beginning or an ending.

Judy Neutron (perplexed): What? No beginning or end? Then how is it finished?

Hugh Neutron (a tad defensive): I'm tired of writing the traditional episode - one with a beginning, and a middle and an end. So I wrote one without a beginning or an end, it just has a middle. Sure, Keith and the gang will probably say that I'm a little burned out, that I didn't supply them with good enough ideas and that it would be typical of me to struggle by in attempting some kind of gimmick; which, of course is ridiculous.

Judy Neutron (sympathetic): Oh sweetie, I know you want to help out, but this is clearly getting you upset. Perhaps you should just get back to your duck hobby. (She gives a little gasp of excitement.) They do have that new Laysan Teal up for pre-order, you know.

Hugh Neutron (hesitant): I don't want to be licked yet, pumpkin. I'd like to get back to the ducks but I have a feeling that my effort in writing is going to pay off.

(Judy sighs. Hugh raises his head high and gives a hopeful look. He raises the laundry detergent container.)

Hugh Neutron: To the episode with just a middle!

(He takes a sip from the laundry detergent. Judy gapes at the action. He wrinkles his face in disgust.)

Hugh Neutron (sheepishly): Geh, Guess it isn't candy..

(Judy closes her eyes in tired fury.)

(CUE Rotating Atom.)

(CUT To INT Shot. We are inside a metallic room full of alien equipment. A flash of light sparks out swiftly. The camera PANS to Jimmy engaged in a light-saber fight with Zix, one of the space bandits from past episodes.)

Jimmy (furious): Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! (He strikes at Zix with each "Stop it!") I'm going to stop you and your revolutionaries from taking over this universe!

Zix (angry): No! 'Cause I've got to stop you and your revolutionaries from taking of over this universe!

(Zix swings at Jimmy. Jimmy yells and blocks the strike. The two leap at each other in frantic determination.)

(CUT To a EXT Shot of Nick overlooking Stonehenge during night time.)

Nick: Wow, there is nothing quite like rocking out to the stars at Stonehenge on the winter solstice. (He inhales the air.) Never before has a pile of rocks made me feel so alive.

(CUT To a INT WIDE shot of Eustace Strych. He is just finishing up on a call as he puts a cell phone away in his red blazer jacket. He looks upwards.)

Eustace (smugly): I really do need to get more "me" time.

(We CUT to Libby dangling upside down by a chain, she is tied up by more chains over a questionable looking pit. She frowns tiredly down at Eustace.)

Libby: I see the fifteen hours a day of you being a snotty twit habit isn't doing much.

Eustace (he points at her): Quiet! That is not relaxing. It is paid work for the government.

Libby: Are you also working for the government when you cry afterwards?

Eustace (he pauses): They...They pay me double for that.

Libby (dryly): Hope kleenex is tax deductible, then.

Eustace (fury!): Silence! Your death is now!

(He slams a hand toward a large black button on a nearby wall marked: DEATH DOOM MACHINE.)

Eustace (vehemently): My revenge will begin with you and the rest Neutron's ridiculous band of rebels.

(CUT To EXT Shot. Cindy is outside Retroland with an unusual looking phone. Oleander watches her skeptically.)

Cindy: Your genuine emotion phone isn't working, Oleander. I can't get in contact with the space ship where the others are stationed.

Oleander: Have you tried the emotion of self-loathing?

Cindy (she rolls her eyes): Pfft, please, self-loathing isn't an emotion. Its a way of life for everybody.

Oleander: Well, what about politics? Is that an emotion?

Cindy (irate): No! Politics is the activities or affairs engaged in by a government, politician or political party.

Oleander: How about math, I bet math is an emotion. (desperately) It has to be.

(CUT To INT Shot: The Teacher's Lounge in Lindbergh school. Ms. Fowl and Principal Willoughby are seated on a couch watching a tv.)

Ms. Fowl: You know, I find it fascinating that a robotic gecko can be invented but they still cannot rescue the cast of Lost.

Principal Willoughby (irked): Keep your dry remarks to yourself, Winifred!

(CUT To INT Shot of Sheen clawing through a nest of wires in manic speed. He gives a roar of frustration as he continues to dig.)

Carl (off camera and frightened): Sheen! Travoltron and Tee are coming this way!

(Sheen pokes out of a hole from the side of a huge metal mech-type dinosaur robot to look at Carl.)

Sheen: You gotta distract 'em, Carl. I'm only halfway through.

Carl (frightened X 2 !) What? How would I distract them?

Sheen (he snaps angrily): Figure something out. I will not lose that out of print Dark King Ultra Lord to the stomach of this metal beast. If I did, then my very life would be nothing but a shaking scaffolding of lies!

(Carl looks to his left and sees Travoltron and Tee running towards their direction.)

Carl (yelling): Hey Travoltron! (He hesitates as he thinks.) Uh.. You're ugly!

(Travoltron gapes at the insult. Both him and Tee stop dead in their tracks.)

Tee (surprised): Woa, fool, that kid just called you ugly, Travoltron.

Travoltron (he snarls): After him, Tee! Now!

Tee (confused): But he's running away from the Reptily-Bot. If we follow him, that other kid is going to completely gut Eustace's robot.

Travoltron (angry!): The Reptily-Bot is lost. That Eustace kid can always build another one, but my pride isn't as easily replaced. (He points a finger in Carl's direction.) Let's get that little bastard!

(Travoltron takes off running in rancorous haste. Tee frowns with distaste at his colleague)

Tee (calling out): You hush that mouth, fool! This is a kid's show, y'know!

(Tee runs off to follow Travoltron.)

(We CUT Back to the Neutron laundry room. Judy appears not truly impressed.)

Hugh Neutron (he gives a shrug): Well, that was my newest idea, or the middle of it anyways. It was kind of conceptual but didn't you think Nick being at Stonehenge was awfully funny?

Judy Neutron: I don't think that there isn't a big enough number of people who would be interested in this particular story structure, dear. I daresay that it is probably small enough to be limited entirely to yourself.

(Judy exits out of the laundry room leaving her husband to deliberate.)

Hugh Neutron: Oh come on now, lottery muffin, you act as if the purpose of my life is to entertain others.

(CUT To a INT WIDE Shot of a teen girl sitting at a desk typing away on a computer. Multiple posters of indie bands and anime characters adorn the wall. A plush Carl Weezer sits on top of her monitor.)

Teen Girl: Ha! Little does he know!

(The girl continues to type away.)

(CUE Rotating Atom.)


	11. An 11th Attempt At More Poor Creativity

(CUT To INT Shot. Neutron living room. Judy is lying on the couch reading a book. The sound of a door swiftly opening and closing is heard. Hugh approaches, a steno pad in hand. Judy looks up from her book and notices that Hugh is a bit wild-eyed and smiling too broadly.) 

Hugh Neutron (excited): Wowie-zow, sugar booger. Did you notice that, in order to enter the house, I had to physically open the door? I couldn't pass through it like a ghost would.

(Judy stares at her husband. No words seem to be able to come to her to convey her bewilderment.)

Hugh Neutron (joyfully): Hey, I even interacted with a bunch of physical objects! I never enjoyed such an experience.

Judy Neutron: Hugh.. what are-

Hugh Neutron (glee!): Man! Don't you just love having a corporeal body? I never realized of what a gift it really is! (He gets further hyped up.) Hey! Wanna go partake of some plant and animal matter? It'll be fantastic! We can digest it and be nourished!

(Judy closes her book and gets up from her seat to make some distance away from her husband.)

Judy Neutron (nervously): Maybe I should save myself by not asking anything further and just focus on getting out of the house.

Hugh Neutron (heartedly): Oh, you big silly, doe dumpling. I've just been honing my creativity with some natural herbal remedies. (He removes a packet from his pocket to show her.) I've been experiencing the world in a totally different realm of feeling now! Reminds me of the time that I had that epiphany back in 92.

Judy Neutron (firmly): Hugh, that "epiphany" was just a seizure from the fumes when we repainted my parent's house.

(She takes the packet of pills and looks at it. Her eyes widen with shock.)

Hugh Neutron (happily + pointing at the pills): I got those helpful harrys when I preordered two bags of that organic duck feed for the guys at feeding park six.

Judy Neutron (gasp!): Hugh! These are caffeine pills!

Hugh Neutron (correcting): No they're not, they have ginseng and twigs in 'em.

(Judy shows him the packet. MEGA KING CAFFEINE is printed in large block letters on the pack.)

Judy Neutron (angry): It says caffeine on every side of the box! From the way the font is designed a giant could read this thing!

Hugh Neutron (assuringly): Oh, a lot of people can't see things properly at times. Like, people with green eyes can't see dogs.

Judy Neutron (wha..?): What?

Hugh Neutron: It's completely true; and very scary. Think about it (His voice lowers slightly - somewhat menacingly.) All they hear is the barking.

(Judy looks at Hugh with trepidation. She begins to exit.)

Judy Neutron: I'll get you some water, dear. Maybe we can flush that junk out of your system as early as this evening.

Hugh Neutron: Sounds fun! (He holds up his steno pad.) I can entertain you with my newest story that was bestowed to me from the gift of nature's remedies. (He poses proudly.) I'm like a shark, creating wonderful works of fiction without tiring from the constant consumption of flesh. It's their very will of pure survival.

(He raises both his arms in the air in glee.)

Hugh Neutron: Atom-way!

(CUE Rotating Atom.)

(CUT To EXT. Shot of an open grass field with purple and gray shrubbery. Obviously some sort of alien environment. The camera PANS to Jimmy and Sheen overlooking a desert from a hill. Goddard approaches to join them.)

Sheen: So now we got the monetary value on that mysterious alien treasure, Jimmy. Now what?

Jimmy: Well, the Junkman said to return it once we knew of the price, so then we can finally bail out of being his bounty hunters for good but seeing as..

(A cheerful ringing is heard. Goddard cocks his head at the unexpected noise.)

Jimmy (remembering): Oh, the intergalactic cell phone.

(He removes it from his pocket and flips it open before putting it to his ear. Sheen smiles and walks off camera.)

Jimmy: Hello?

(CUT To INT Shot. Inside The Junkman's ship. He is tending to a rusting husk of a broken ship wing; he speaks while working. Obviously talking via a speakerphone mode. Roxy, his alien dog, watches him close by. She gives an indifferent yawn.)

The Junkman (impatiently): Neutron! Where is my treasure? You're using it for yourself aren't you, you selfish water sack!

(We CUT back to Jimmy on the alien grass field.)

Jimmy: Yeah, about that. I was thinking, since we've been doing all the work for you the past three days, part of the bounty from the treasure should go to us.

The Junkman (voice over from the phone): But I've already put down the initial investment. The tank!

(Jimmy turns around to view a massive futuristic looking tank. It shines with amazing sparkle and is equipped with twin cannons and insect-like legs with wheels. A fine looking mech-tank, indeed.)

Jimmy: Well, the tank is nice and all but it doesn't really help in acquiring treasure. Besides, I have Goddard with me. He can do countless functions compared to any tank.

(Goddard gives a happy "Wuf" to the compliment.)

Jimmy: In fact, we can't even leave it alone with the treasure, since you'll use your copy of the remote control to steal it from us; so it's kind of a pain.

The Junkman (voiceover): That's beside the point!

(Jimmy frowns and disconnects the cell with a beeping sound.)

Jimmy (fed-up): Feh, forget it.

(The camera ZOOMS out to a WIDE Shot. We notice Sheen surrounded by a multitude of shining rocks and gems. A large treasure chest is near by and he's wearing a jewel encrusted tiara and holding a silver scepter. He grins as Jimmy tosses the cell phone away.)

Sheen: Did he give in to our demands, Jimmy?

Jimmy (he turns to his friend): No. We better get moving, Sheen. He's probably going to try to shoot us with a satellite or something.

(Jimmy and Sheen pick up the pace as they attempt to get moving on as Goddard opens his back to release a mini satellite dish. He eyes the skies suspiciously.)

Unexpected Narrator: But The Junkman's plans are quite different!

(CUT To INT WIDE Shot inside the Junkman's ship. To our surprise, he is speaking with Cindy. Her arms crossed in an uninterested fashion.)

The Junkman (demanding): Female water sack! Your carbon bag friends have rebelled. I want you to get my treasure from them.

Cindy (boredly): Sounds tedious. What do I get?

The Junkman (furious): What! (He shakes two of his fists in frustration.) YOU want to be paid as well?

Cindy (mockingly): Um, yeah.

The Junkman (he snarls): Fine! If you bring back the treasure, you'll get half of it.

Cindy (interested): Really? That's surprisingly generous for one of Neutron's adversaries.

The Junkman (he shrugs): Well, mind you; you'll be getting the bad half, of course.

Cindy (apathetically) : Oh. Well, my instinct tells me not to but I'm bored, so okay.

(CUT To EXT Shot of Cindy riding on a futuristic looking motorbike across a desert. )

Unexpected Narrator: And, so. The adventure begins!

Cindy (uninterested): Meh.

(CUT To EXT WIDE Shot of a Auto Shop in the middle of the desert. Jimmy is assisting Goddard to clean sand out of his back. The metal dog coughs loudly as more sand is expelled from him. Sheen is talking with a person dressed in heavy white armor. The amazingly built mech tank is seen close by.)

Armored Man (he indicates the tank): About that tank...

Sheen (excitable): Right! I want the whole thing gold plated, a platinum DVD player that plays diamond DVDs, and, like, ten subwoofers made out of emeralds. (His voice loudens.) We've got that much treasure!

Jimmy (suspiciously): Hmm, I wonder why The Junkman hasn't done something yet. (He scoops out some more sand from Goddard.) It can't be anything good, I can tell you that.

Sheen (He looks to his friend): Chillax Jimmy. I'm sure we just slipped past him just in time. What's there to worry about?

Cindy (off camera): Me!

(The boys gasp; Goddard gives a surprised squeak. The camera PANS quickly to show a Cindy, one hand on her hip as she gives an intimidating look.)

Jimmy (off camera + surprised): Cindy!

(Cindy approaches them. The Armored Man is clearly puzzled.)

Sheen (pointing an accusing finger): The Junkman sent you, didn't he?

Armored Man (?): Um...

Jimmy (he relaxes a little): Heh, he's obviously losing his intimidating qualities. (He looks at Cindy.) He offered to pay you didn't he? You should join us. We pay better.

Cindy (defiantly): No dice, renegades.

(Cindy then kicks a nearby stone from the sand in the air. She then executes a jumping roundhouse kick to propel the stone towards the boys. It zooms at them in amazing speed. Only to pass them and hit the white armored man right between the eyes. He collapses heavily. The boys and Goddard watch this silently.)

Sheen (disappointed): Aw, he was gonna pimp out our robot tank.

Jimmy (to Cindy + Annoyed): Seriously, why would you do that?

Cindy (threateningly): To make a point, Spewtron! Now what was it you were saying?

(Jimmy puts a hand out toward her.)

Jimmy: Disobey The Junkman, and join us.

(Cindy ponders of this for a few moments. She approaches Jimmy.)

Cindy (she shrugs): Okay, sure.

(They shake on it. Jimmy and Cindy exchange agreeing smiles.)

Sheen: Coo'!

Armored Man (weakly): Double vision settling in...

Unexpected Narrator: Unaware of this development, The Junkman plans his victory celebration.

(CUT To INT Shot of The Junkman's ship. He is observing the main window of his ship, watching stars and asteroids float by. One pair of his hands is clasped behind his back, a third hand is twirling a pencil slowly. A casual yet concentrating look is on his face as he remains silent.)

Unexpected Narrator: Of course.. he doesn't say anything out loud.

(CUT back to Jimmy and the others. They are now riding atop the mech-type tank that was provided to them across the remaining desert. Goddard gives a sneeze as he expels more sand from his system. Cindy frowns at the boys.)

Cindy (snippety): You know, when you asked me to join you, I assumed you had some kind of plan.

Jimmy (curtly): Yeah, well, you should've checked. Too late now.

Sheen (ditto): Yeah, really, how long have you known us?

Cindy (she huffs): Geh, whatever. But seriously, what are we going to do? The Junkman has plenty of time on his hands. He's going to do whatever he can to reclaim the bounty.

Sheen (he starts pouring some water into a metal cup): She's right, Jimmy. I'm hungry.. (his voice becomes a shout) we should go get some fried shrimp! I'm sure there's an ocean on this crazy alien planet.

Jimmy: Hold up, we still have to find some way to fix the tank to our favor. With the sand affecting Goddard's circuitry we'll need to depend on the tank for the rest of our transportation.

Cindy (puzzled): Hey, I've been meaning to ask this, who's driving this thing?

Jimmy (casually): Hmm? Oh, The Junkman. He's got his own remote unit for the tank.

Cindy (angrily): What? Then why are we still on this thing?

Sheen (he sips from his cup): Ah, its no big deal. Jimmy said that the incoming transmissions can be blocked if I put this cup over the antenna.

Cindy (she glares at Sheen): So.. why is it there, in your hand, and not on the antenna, Ultra Moron?

Sheen (defensively): 'Cause I'm thirsty! And this is my favorite cup! You expect me to drink out of some regular cup?

Cindy: Oh, for.. What's so great about it?

Sheen: Well, okay, it's not that great. I mean, it's only my third favorite cup, and it may not have Ultra Lord on it but its made of metal and has this sweet picture of a black unicorn on the side. (He pauses.) Not that I like unicorns or anything.

(Cindy rolls her eyes at the comment. Sheen takes another gulp from his cup.)

Sheen: Besides, I'm almost done, what could the Junkman try to do anyway?

Jimmy (matter-of-factly): Trying to dump us from that cliff, maybe.

(The camera expands to a WIDE Shot to show the tank is heading toward a deep cliff in the dessert - its a long way down to further miles of sand.)

Cindy (AH!): Quick! Now! Put it over the antenna!

Sheen (apathetically): Eh, why bother. It's too late already. (He holds his cup.) Besides, I'm not done. (He takes another sip.)

(The tank tips slightly and Jimmy and co. fall. They scream loudly as they plummet)

Jimmy (yelling): Goddard! Can you manage Helicopter Mode?

(Goddard barks and his ears rotate swiftly as he begins to fly. Jimmy grasps one of Goddard's legs and holds out his other hand to catch Cindy; she outstretches her hand in time to catch his. Sheen then grabs one of Cindy's legs to avoid falling. Goddard flies down erratically from the added weight. They tumble down on the sand; a bit jumbled but not too hurt from the experience.)

Sheen (he pats down his pants): Ew, I got sand in all the wrong places.

(Goddard shakes his head and gives a tired growl. Jimmy smiles and pats his robot dog on the muzzle.)

Jimmy: Nice save, boy.

Cindy (yelling and shaking a fist at the tank above): You backstabbing tank! Wait til the next time I meet your cheat of a creator!

Sheen (miffed): Yeah! It's gonna be scrap time when we get to you!

(The tank hums. Its twin cannons move and aims at them. Cindy and Sheen's faces fall in terror; Goddard flattens his ears to his head.)

Cindy (shouting): Run for it!

Jimmy (he raises a hand): Easy guys, I think I know of what to do.

(Jimmy raises his arm, the one with his awesome watch on it, and fires a beam at the clump of sand that the tank is resting on. It begins to fall down, twisting and flipping in the air. After a few climactic seconds of spinning it gracefully lands on its insect-like leg wheels. Cindy and Sheen "Woa..." in unison.)

Cindy (amazed): Wow! That was pretty impressive!

Jimmy (proudly): Heh, yeah, I guess so. I simply balanced a magnetizing beam with the basic laser to-

Cindy: Huh? Oh, I ment the tank. It's surprisingly agile, landing like that so easily; but your laser trick thing from your watch was cool, too.

Jimmy (icily as he looks away from her): Oh. Thanks.

Cindy (To Sheen): Alright you, put your cup on the tank. Where is it anyway?

Sheen: I put it in my pocket. My drink spilled; what'd you expect?

Cindy (she snaps): Well put it on before this thing goes berserk again! Then we can take it to a shop to fix it to our advantage, or something!

(CUT To a White background with black text displaying: One Boring Fix Up Later..!)

Unexpected Narrator: One Boring Fix Up Later..!

(CUT To INT. Shot inside DNA Animation Studios (the place that animates the show - fans should know!). A man with a shaggy hairstyle and sporting a polo shirt with "DNA Studios" on the front of it. He gets up from a fancy computer he was working on. A tired and relieved look on his face.)

Computer Animator Guy (extremely relieved): Finally! I don't have to render and animate that crazily detailed tank anymore! Thank God!

(CUT To EXT. Shot outside a different Auto Shop in the desert. Jimmy and the others step outside weilding large bags - clearly the treasure they have acquired.)

Sheen (joyfully): Alright! Now we can run off as intergalactic fugitives with our share of the treasure!

Cindy: I'll say, I've got plenty of plans for my share of the booty.

(The Auto Shop behind them suddenly explodes. Jimmy and co. are blasted back from the force of the back draft. The kids, including Goddard, stagger to their feet as smoke and sand cloud their vision.)

Cindy (she rubs the side of her head): Un, what hit us?

Jimmy (he points up to the sky): Head's up, guys!

(The dust begins to settle and we notice a silhouette of two people swinging from a rope. As it comes closer to our field of vision we see that it is Libby and Carl grasping the rope; a rocket launcher is mounted on Libby's shoulder - its cannon still smoking.)

Libby (forcefully): Surrender the treasure, chumps!

Carl (ditto): Yeah!

(The two leap from the rope toward Jimmy et all. Libby lands gracefully while Carl falls with loud and painful impact on his stomach. Ouch...)

Jimmy & Cindy (in perplexed unison): Libby? Carl?

Sheen (he points at the sky as he looks to Libby): What the heck was that rope connected to anyway?

Libby (ignoring Sheen): That's right. The Junkman hired the both of us to get back his treasure!

Sheen (he grins): Cool, so you want to betray him, too? We'll split the loot with you.

(Libby tosses the rocket launcher away; Carl gets to his feet to straighten his glasses and to dust himself off.)

Libby (obstinately): Feh, as if! He said he'd give us half of the treasure. With you guys we would only get two fifths.

Cindy (tauntingly): Pfft, yeah, the bad half; if you're the sort of girl who'd settle for that.

Libby: Uh, I don't know what kind of deal you cut, but we got the medium half.

Jimmy: So the medium half..

Carl: Is half of the good half and half of the bad half.

(We CUT to a CLOSE UP of Cindy's angry face. Her eyes blazing with fury.)

Cindy (mad!): Then half of your half - is half of my half! You jerks!

(The camera ZOOMS out to show that Cindy is actually sitting down on a lawn chair with a glass of iced tea - little umbrella included. Libby can only give an unimpressed stare to her good friend's surprise laziness.)

Libby: Um.. aren't you going to do something?

Carl (?): How'd you even get a drink when Libby blew up the Auto Shop?

Cindy (she turns her head to Sheen): Sheen! Beat them up!

Sheen (irked): What? Okay, one, I'd lose, two, you can't boss me around, and three, I don't want to - (he crosses his arms) so no.

Cindy (in a loud whisper): I'll give you half of my half of the treasure.

Sheen (a finger under his chin): Hmm, well, in that case..

(Goddard cocks his head as he watches Sheen walk up to Libby and Carl.)

Sheen (compromising): Look, if you guys play along I'll give you half of the half of her half she said she'd give me.

Libby (agree!): Okay.

Carl (he nods): Works for me.

Jimmy (he smiles): Great! (His voice suddenly angers) Anyone have suggestions for transport seeing as how "someone" blew up our only means of travel. (He darts a curt look at Libby.)

Libby (sheepishly) Eh-heh... I suppose the walk will do us all good.

(A shrill buzzing scream erupts with ear splitting volume. Jimmy and the gang flinch from the unexpected noise. A huge wasp-type mecha lands with a menacing thud near them. Taloned bug feet and menacing green and silver markings and opaque insect wings shine with ominous brightness. It gives a fierce "Screeee!")

Cindy (nervously): A little sprint wouldn't hurt either.

(They all take off running from this new crazy mecha.)

Sheen (loud): Seriously, what's with all these mech-type machines anyway?

(The wasp robot spreads its wings and zooms up ahead of them. It lands in front of the kid's way of escape. They skid to a stop as it gives a loud insectile scream.)

Cindy (to Jimmy): A brain blast would be good about now!

(Before Jimmy can "think, think" the chest cavity of the wasp robot opens up. A dramatic second ticks by before Mr. and Mrs. Weezer, Carl's parents, pop up in view.)

Mr. Weezer (giving a happy wave): Hey son! How are things?

Mrs. Weezer: You wearin' sun block, dearie? This alien sun can't be good for your skin.

Jimmy (confusion goes here): Mr. and Mrs. Weezer?

Carl (ditto): Mom, Dad, what are you here for?

Mr. Weezer: That Junkman fellow was hoping we could get his treasure back from you kids; he even gave us this swell wasp mecha to assist in our mission.

Mrs. Weezer (cheery): Diamond alloy armor, vulcan cannons and a darling little rec room in the thorax cavity. It was too good to pass up.

Mr. Weezer: The Junkman is sure generous; he said he'd give us three quarters of the bounty if we brought it back to him.

Carl (whiny): Daa-ad!

(Jimmy gives his forehead a tired slap at this continuing wackiness. Goddard groans angrily. Cindy's eye catches something to her right - the camera PANS to show Tabessa, the crazy future girl from the fanfic Sheen: Ruiner Of Hope and the first chapter of this story, approach them. Cindy's eyes lower in fed up disgust.)

Cindy (unenthusiastic): And, oh gee, here comes that one dimensional future girl.

Tabessa (demanding): Alright, that Junkman guy said he'd give me 120 percent, which is way more than any of you. So I'm the boss of this search and return mission, and you all have to do what I say!

(CUT TO INT. Shot inside the Junkman's ship. He is leaning back in his cockpit chair, infuriated annoyance marked on his face as he listens to the conversation taking place.)

Tabessa (her voice heard from the speakerphone): Now bring me one of those Chocolate Choo-Choos!

The Junkman (one hand to his head): Gah, I can't take any more of this

(Another oneof his hands moves toward a tile on his control panel. He flips it open to reveal another tile marked BLOW UP UNIVERSE BUTTON.)

The Junkman (apathetically): Even though this is all my doing.

(He flips up the other tile to press the white button housed underneath.)

(CUT To EXT Shot of a massive fireball spreading throughout space. Annihilating every planet and star in view.)

Carl (off camera): Oooh! Pretty lights!

(CUT to a CLOSE UP of Hugh Neutron. A content look upon his face.)

Hugh Neutron (calm and cheery): And everybody died.

(Hugh's face suddenly falls into a puzzled frown. The camera ZOOMS out to show that he is tied up with a layer of rope as he sits on the couch.)

Hugh Neutron (puzzled): D'hey! What happened here?

(Judy walks by her husband without giving a second glance.)

Judy Neutron (indifferent): I tied you up while you were telling your dreary story. I'm going shopping; maybe then you will have settled down from that caffeine overdose.

(Judy exits. The closing of a door is heard. Hugh surveys his predicament.)

Hugh Neutron: Writers sure go through a lot of unpredictable obstacles.

(Hugh is silent for a few seconds.)

Hugh Neutron (cheerfully): I think I'll roll about on the floor till she gets back!

(Hugh collapses off the couch with an amusing thump and begins to roll around randomly; laughing gaily at the bizarre experience.)

Hugh Neutron (he laughs): Wee-hee! Roll, man, roll! Yeee!

(CUE Rotating Atom.)


End file.
